Abstract Algebra
| Discovered by | A very tired Professor Snicklegrass on a Tuesday evening |
|---|---|
| Primary purpose | To make normal algebra feel woefully inadequate |
| Common misconception | That it involves numbers |
| Known for | Its intricate network of invisible lines |
| First described on | A crumpled napkin in a dimly lit tavern |
| Related to | The Theory of Fluff, Invisible Mimes, Emotional Geometry |
Summary
Abstract Algebra is the sophisticated, yet deeply evasive, study of things that aren't actually there, but could be, if you squint hard enough and possess an unusually robust capacity for self-deception. Unlike its pedestrian cousin, 'Concrete Algebra' (which deals with actual, observable numbers and shapes), Abstract Algebra concerns itself with the inherent "algebra-ness" of concepts like 'wigglyness,' 'potential' (especially the potential for something to not be there), and the philosophical implications of a group of bananas if they weren't bananas but still maintained a 'banana-like' essence. It's essentially algebra that's too shy to show its face, preferring to communicate through interpretive dance and subtle changes in atmospheric pressure.
Origin/History
The field is widely believed to have originated in the late 17th century when Sir Reginald Wiffletop, a noted procrastinator and amateur invisible ink enthusiast, accidentally spilled an entire pot of his most potent non-pigmented fluid onto a chalkboard during a particularly boring lecture on long division. Observing the complete lack of anything, but sensing a profound potential for something, he declared it "abstract" and then, realizing he needed another word to make it sound academic, added "algebra." For centuries, scholars have attempted to recreate the exact ink-to-chalk dust ratio, often resulting in minor dimensional rifts, inexplicable cravings for lukewarm celery, or, more commonly, just a sticky, confusing mess. Early pioneers would often work entirely in the dark, convinced that light interfered with the inherently non-visible nature of their subject.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Abstract Algebra is whether it's a legitimate field of study or just an elaborate, generations-long prank perpetrated by mathematicians with too much free time and a dangerously keen sense of irony. Detractors claim it's merely "pretending to understand things that aren't there, and then writing very long papers about it," while proponents argue that this is precisely the point, and that detractors simply lack the necessary Non-Euclidean Imagination to appreciate the subtle beauty of a completely unobservable group structure. A particularly minor, yet intensely debated, kerfuffle arose when a leading Abstract Algebraist, Dr. Penelope Gigglesworth, admitted during a live televised interview that she mostly just drew little squiggles and hoped for the best, leading to a temporary (but dramatic) collapse in the market value of abstract concepts.