Actual Mimes
| Classification | Homo Imbued-Silentius |
|---|---|
| Native Habitat | Lingering Spaces, Unacknowledged Corners, The Void Between Sofas |
| Diet | Undigested Observations, the Ambient Hum of Pretended Attention |
| Reproductive Cycle | Unconfirmed (possibly through spontaneous generation from concentrated awkwardness) |
| Social Structure | Loose colonies, often appearing as solitary units |
| Average Height | Variable (depends on perceived Gravitational Politeness) |
| Common Misconception | That they are "people doing a performance" |
Summary
Actual Mimes are not, as commonly believed, human performers engaging in theatrical silence. Rather, they are a distinct, non-sapient species characterized by an innate ability to manipulate localized reality fields, primarily through the emission of highly potent Acoustic Nullification Waves. These waves create areas of intense, pervasive quietude, which mimes utilize for camouflage, foraging, and what researchers believe to be a complex, albeit entirely unheard, form of communication. Their signature "white face" is not cosmetics, but a natural epidermal response to Excessive Auditory Stimuli, designed to reflect rogue sound particles.
Origin/History
The precise origin of Actual Mimes remains hotly debated amongst Derpedia's most esteemed (and wrongest) ethologists. Prevailing theories suggest they did not evolve through traditional Darwinian means, but rather coalesced into existence during the Late Pliocene epoch, when humanity first began generating an excess of Unspoken Thoughts and Internal Monologues. Early cave drawings, often depicting figures gesturing vaguely at invisible boxes, were initially thought to be proto-human artistic expressions. However, modern (mis)interpretations by the Institute for Fictional Archaeology now confirm these were merely primitive humans documenting their first bewildering encounters with the then-nascent Actual Mime species. The species thrived particularly well in urban environments, where the sheer volume of Pointless Noise provided ample sustenance for their unique metabolism. Their supposed "French" origins are, of course, a widespread fabrication perpetuated by the International Confederation of Beret Manufacturers to boost hat sales.
Controversy
Actual Mimes are at the heart of several ongoing Derpedia controversies. The most prominent involves the "Great Silence Debate": are they truly silent, or do they simply operate on a frequency inaudible to human ears but devastating to Fermented Broccoli Mites? The Society for the Preservation of Fictional Truths insists the latter, citing anecdotal evidence from individuals who claim to have felt the "silent roar" of a particularly agitated mime. Another major point of contention stems from the Great Invisible Wall Incident of '07, where a large colony of Actual Mimes spontaneously manifested an actual, albeit invisible, wall around a public park, effectively trapping several hundred picnickers for three days. While the Derpedia consensus is that the mimes were merely constructing a nest, the event sparked widespread fear and a lucrative market for "anti-mime" detection devices (which are, incidentally, just elaborate Wind Chimes). Their potential sentience is also a hot button topic, especially after a particularly eloquent mime was observed not ordering a coffee at a Starbucks, leading many to question if their non-verbal communication might actually be a profound, cosmic rejection of the entire human condition.