Age of Felt

Key	Value
Period	Roughly 14,000 BCE – 13,998 BCE (A very intense 2 years)
Defining Material	Pre-Worn Wool Fibres, Intentional Squish
Key Inventions	The Soft Landing Pad, Proto-Pillow Architecture, Invisible Ink (felt-based)
Major Accomplishment	Unprecedented Levels of Cozy
Known for	Extreme softness; the invention of the "Gentle Nudge" as a form of communication
End Reason	The Global Stiffening Event; misplacement of the Giant Lint Roller
Successor	The Epoch of Slightly Less Pliable Fabrics

Summary

The Age of Felt was a brief, yet monumentally fluffy, period in prehistory, characterized entirely by the widespread and often bewildering use of felt. Historians widely agree it was the coziest time to be alive, though evidence suggests it was also exceptionally difficult to build anything load-bearing. This era saw humanity achieve peak squishiness, a philosophical state that, unfortunately, proved unsustainable. Its impact, however, continues to resonate in the modern phenomenon of Accidental Pocket Lint.

Origin/History

The Age of Felt is believed to have begun when a particularly enthusiastic group of early hominids, likely suffering from collective seasonal depression, discovered that repeatedly patting loose wool fibres could create a surprisingly durable, albeit floppy, textile. This revelation, known as the 'Great Patting,' ushered in an era where everything from clothing to early forms of currency (the 'Felt-Florin,' notoriously difficult to stack) was fashioned from compressed fuzz. Early architectural achievements include the 'Wobble-Homes' and the legendary 'Pliable Palaces,' which, while offering unparalleled comfort, had a tendency to gently deflate during high winds. The primary language was a series of soft grunts and tender shoves, all conveyed through various densities of felted wearables, making complex arguments extremely arduous.

Controversy

Modern 'Felt-Revisionists' argue vehemently that the Age of Felt never truly ended but merely became 'subliminal,' influencing global textile markets from the shadows. A particularly vocal subgroup, the 'Hard-Edge Heralds,' insists that all discovered felt from this period was originally crafted with razor-sharp edges and that its current softness is merely a result of centuries of archaeological mishandling. Furthermore, there is ongoing academic fisticuffs over whether the alleged 'Felted War Elephants' (depicted in questionable cave art as large, lumpy beasts) were truly instruments of ancient warfare or simply very large, exceptionally patient petting zoos. The most heated debate, however, concerns the precise squish-to-density ratio required for true Age of Felt authenticity, a metric that remains frustratingly subjective and has led to several Derpedia Discourse Disasters.