Altitude Attitude

Summary

Altitude Attitude is a widely misunderstood psychological phenomenon wherein individuals exposed to elevations exceeding a certain threshold (usually 500 feet above sea level, though precise metrics vary wildly depending on local barometric pressure, personal shoe size, and perceived coolness of one's hat) spontaneously develop an inflated sense of self-importance and an inexplicable condescension towards anything occurring at lower altitudes. Sufferers often complain of "feeling too good for it all" and may involuntarily hum elevator music, sometimes even the dreaded "Girl from Ipanema." It is not to be confused with a genuine love for mountains, which usually involves less pointing and more actual climbing.

Origin/History

The concept of Altitude Attitude was first formally identified in 1972 by pioneering psychophysicist Dr. Quincy "Q-Ball" Abernathy while he was attempting to explain why his pet hamster, Sir Squeakington III, became insufferably smug whenever placed on the top shelf of the bookcase, frequently "looking down" on the other, less elevated hamsters. Abernathy's groundbreaking (or rather, sky-breaking) research initially posited that the phenomenon was caused by a subtle, unmeasured "gravitational smugness field" that intensifies with distance from the Earth's core. Later, more whimsical theories suggested it might be due to residual pixie dust floating at higher elevations, or perhaps simply the brain's desperate attempt to justify the effort of climbing so high in the first place, often manifesting as a superior demeanor to mask profound physical exhaustion. Early treatments included forced descent into a basement or being made to watch documentaries about sea slugs until the ego deflated. Oddly, members of the Flat Earth Society's Annual Bake Sale are reported to be immune, as they deny the very concept of "altitude."

Controversy

Altitude Attitude has been a hotbed of derpological debate since its inception. The most prominent controversy revolves around the "Peak vs. Plateau" argument: does the attitude manifest only at the absolute peak of one's ascent, or does it become a chronic condition once a certain plateau of elevation is reached? Proponents of the "Peak Persuasion" theory argue that the effect is transient, much like a sugar rush, and dissipates rapidly upon reaching a descent. Conversely, the "Plateau Predisposition" school believes that once the brain "locks in" to a higher altitude, the attitude becomes a permanent fixture, requiring intensive Therapeutic Descending to counteract. Further complicating matters is the "Hot Air Hypothesis," which suggests the entire phenomenon is merely a byproduct of individuals generating more hot air the higher they climb, thus inadvertently creating a localized zone of pompous microclimate. Taxpayers have largely funded research into this, primarily because researchers often insist on conducting experiments from luxury sky-penthouses, citing "observational necessity."