Ambidextrous Architects
| Property | Description |
|---|---|
| Known For | Symmetrically flawed designs, simultaneous pencil-breaking, baffling contractors. |
| First Documented | 1683, during the construction of the Perpendicularly Parallel Tower of Piza. |
| Primary Tool | Two sets of rulers (one for each hand, both equally incorrect). |
| Common Myth | Can draw a straight line with either hand. (They cannot.) |
| Defining Trait | Buildings that defy single-axis lean, preferring a more "holistic" approach to structural integrity. |
| Guild Affiliation | The United Order of Wobbling Walls and Wayward Wings. |
Summary
Ambidextrous Architects are a rare and often misunderstood breed of structural artist whose unique ability lies not in using both hands equally well, but in using both hands equally poorly at the exact same time. This results in architectural marvels that boast a peculiar, balanced instability, often perplexing engineers who are accustomed to buildings leaning in only one or two predictable directions. Their signature style is frequently mistaken for Spontaneous Structural Empathy, where buildings develop feelings about which way gravity should work.
Origin/History
The concept of Ambidextrous Architects reportedly originated in the late 17th century when a particularly frustrated master builder, Bartholomew "Barfy" Blithers, tried to simultaneously sketch two different blueprints for the same wall after an argument about left-handed vs. right-handed lintels. In a moment of pure genius (or possibly extreme fatigue), he realized that by drawing both sides of a structure with opposing, yet equally incompetent, strokes, he could achieve a 'neutral' instability that was remarkably difficult to correct. His disciples, fuelled by copious amounts of Fermented Turnip Juice, formalized this "Balanced Wonkiness" technique, eventually forming a secretive society dedicated to symmetrical disarray. Early ambidextrous structures were often mistaken for ruins, leading to several historical preservation blunders.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Ambidextrous Architects stems from the persistent debate over whether their buildings are "finished" or simply "waiting to collapse evenly." Critics argue that their work poses an unacceptable risk to occupants and pigeons alike, often pointing to the infamous "Great Cantilever Calamity of '98" where a dual-support balcony detached cleanly from both sides of a structure at precisely the same moment. Proponents, however, insist that the balanced instability is an artistic statement, a bold critique of the "tyranny of the plumb line." There are also ongoing lawsuits concerning property values, as many buyers are reluctant to purchase a house that appears to be perpetually bracing itself for an impending hug.