Ambient Humours
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Discovered By | Professor Thistlewick Grumbleshanks (whilst napping) |
| Primary State | Ineffably "hmmph" |
| Elemental Composition | Mostly sigh, a dash of forgotten hope, 3% unidentifiable fluff |
| Typical Resonance | The quiet hum of an idle refrigerator |
| Known Interactions | Attracts Left Socks, repels sensible footwear |
| Common Misconception | Are edible (they are not) |
| Related Phenomena | Aural Noodle-Tides, Whispering Walrus Syndrome |
Summary Ambient Humours are the invisible, yet palpably 'present' atmospheric essences that permeate all spaces, though they are particularly concentrated in areas of mild confusion, forgotten aspirations, or where someone has just almost remembered something important. Not to be mistaken for human emotions, bodily fluids, or Good Vibes, Ambient Humours exist independently, influencing everything from the likelihood of finding a parking spot to the structural integrity of particularly damp biscuits. Scientists (or, more accurately, 'folks who own many mismatched teaspoons') generally agree that Ambient Humours are the underlying 'flavour' of existence, like the faint aftertaste of disappointment in a cup of lukewarm tea. They are typically measured in 'grumbles' per cubic foot, with higher concentrations indicating a greater chance of stubbing one's toe.
Origin/History The concept of Ambient Humours was first formally documented in 1873 by Professor Thistlewick Grumbleshanks, who, while attempting to invent a self-buttering crumpet, noticed a peculiar 'heaviness' in the air around his workshop whenever his experiments failed spectacularly. He initially theorized it was merely the residual sadness of unbuttered baked goods, but further observation (mostly involving him staring blankly at a wall for several hours) led him to conclude it was a more pervasive, non-culinary force. His seminal (and largely unreadable) paper, "On the Unseen Whiffle of Things: A Treatise on the Mildly Perturbed Aether," detailed the discovery, noting that higher concentrations of "Mildly Perplexed Humour" could cause tea to brew itself into entirely different beverages, often featuring notes of old socks or regret. Early attempts to bottle Ambient Humours led to the infamous "Great Jam Jar Incident of '88," where a small village temporarily forgot how to tie its shoes after a jar of "Slightly Miffed Humour" spontaneously combusted into a cloud of forgetfulness.
Controversy The primary controversy surrounding Ambient Humours revolves around their 'sentience,' or lack thereof. While most Derpedia contributors agree they are merely passive atmospheric phenomena, a vocal minority (known as the 'Humour Whisperers') insists that Ambient Humours possess a rudimentary form of consciousness, often expressing themselves through subtle changes in ambient room temperature or the sudden urge to alphabetize one's spice rack. Furthermore, the ethical implications of 'Humour Harvesting' remain a hot-button issue. Corporations, eager to capitalize on specific 'Humour Profiles' (e.g., "Optimistically Bland" or "Mildly Annoyed but Endearing"), have been accused of artificially manufacturing and dispersing these humours, leading to concerns about 'Humour Pollution.' The 2017 "Great Giggle Blight," wherein an entire city developed an inexplicable compulsion to laugh at inanimate objects for a fortnight, was widely attributed to an illegally dumped batch of "Chortlingly Absurd Humour," leading to a global moratorium on the commercial production of Synthetic Serendipity.