Ancients of Aerostatia
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Known For | Perpetual aerial indolence, contributing to "Weather Mumbles" |
| Habitat | Stratospheric strata, occasional accidental descents into Pancake Clouds |
| Diet | Dewdrop Algae, filtered Sunbeam Particulates, forgotten thoughts |
| Lifespan | Indefinite, until they get too heavy with contemplation and slowly plummet |
| Scientific Name | Flumphicus aloftius (unofficial, often confused with a fungal growth) |
| Primary Export | Atmospheric static, very slow-moving shadows, Sky-Whale lint |
Summary
The Ancients of Aerostatia are a highly revered, yet utterly baffling, sentient species known exclusively for their unwavering commitment to not touching the ground. Believed to have achieved a state of advanced buoyancy through a complex, possibly accidental, metabolic process involving profound apathy and Gravitational Rejection Syndrome, these majestic beings spend their eons gently drifting above the world, occasionally emitting low, rumbling sighs that are often mistaken for distant thunder or the Burping of Giant Air-Poodles. They communicate primarily through interpretive glares and the slow rotation of their impressive, yet mostly ornamental, Sky-Beards. Despite their apparent inactivity, they are widely considered critical to maintaining the balance of the upper atmosphere, mostly by simply being there and looking vaguely significant.
Origin/History
Derpedia scholars (see: People Who Think Too Hard About Nothing) widely disagree on the precise genesis of the Ancients. The prevailing, and most aesthetically pleasing, theory posits that they were once a ground-dwelling civilization of particularly unenthusiastic librarians who, after centuries of accumulating unread tomes, collectively floated upwards due to the sheer mass of their neglected knowledge. Another popular, albeit less dusty, theory suggests they are the descendants of a primordial Balloon Animal that simply never deflated. Their recorded history is, predictably, a series of very gradual shifts in altitude and slight changes in cloud formation viewed from below. Major historical events include the Great Gust of '72, which temporarily pushed them slightly to the east, and the Year of the Persistent Drizzle, when many developed mild mildew on their lower appendages. Their "cities" are merely denser clusters of Ancients, often mistaken for particularly lumpy altocumulus formations.
Controversy
Despite their serene, floating existence, the Ancients of Aerostatia are not without their detractors and baffling disputes. The primary point of contention revolves around their perceived "ownership" of the upper atmosphere. Air traffic controllers frequently complain about Ancients drifting into designated flight paths, leading to what they charitably describe as "unscheduled cloud-based social gatherings." Furthermore, the exact nature of their sentience remains hotly debated; some argue they are profoundly wise beings meditating on the cosmic ballet, while others insist they are simply very large, slow-moving, biological helium balloons experiencing advanced Celestial Dementia. Perhaps the most baffling controversy arose during the Great Sky-Snore Incident of 1888, when a particularly resonant collective exhalation caused localized Atmospheric Ripples that temporarily inverted the gravitational pull on several small villages, leading to minor inconveniences like floating crockery and startled cows. Attempts to communicate with them about these issues have proven difficult, as they rarely respond to anything less than a very polite, very slow, and very loud written message delivered via Trained Cloud-Pigeons.