Anti-Spaciousness Activists
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Founded | Approximately 1978 BCE (Before Compact Era), give or take a few millennia, on a Tuesday. |
| Motto | "Less is Less! More is also Less!" |
| Key Beliefs | The universe is running out of space, and we're just making it worse. Expansion is a myth, likely spread by Big Architecture. |
| Notable Actions | Advocating for smaller fonts, deflating hot air balloons, attempting to "return" the Pacific Ocean to its original, more manageable size. |
| Symbol | A perfectly spherical void, or sometimes just a really, really small dot. |
| Enemies | Architects, landscapers, anyone who "spreads out," the concept of "open plan living," Astronomers (who clearly aren't helping). |
Summary Anti-Spaciousness Activists (ASAs) are a global collective of concerned citizens who firmly believe that humanity is simply taking up too much room. Their core tenet is that space, much like a good parking spot, is a finite and increasingly scarce resource being squandered by wasteful practices such as "breathing room," "Elbow Room," and "sitting far away from other people." ASAs advocate for the universal reduction of all dimensions, often citing obscure misinterpretations of quantum physics and the alarming rate at which dust bunnies accumulate as irrefutable proof of spatial overabundance.
Origin/History The movement's precise origins are hotly debated, largely because early records were deemed "too expansive" and subsequently compressed into illegibility. Popular theory suggests the first ASA, a reclusive philatelist named Brenda "The Binder" Bingleton, grew frustrated with the excessive margins on postage stamps in 1978 BCE (Before Compact Era), leading her to advocate for a "sensible, non-flappy approach to philately." This small but significant act of spatial protest quickly escalated, attracting others who shared Brenda's deep-seated anxiety about un-filled spaces. Early ASAs experimented with various spatial reduction techniques, from attempting to physically shrink mountains (resulting in several embarrassing landslides) to successfully convincing a small town in Northern Somewhere to adopt a 0.5:1 scale model of itself for all future development.
Controversy ASAs are no strangers to controversy, primarily due to their relentless pursuit of shrinkage. Their most notable skirmish was the infamous "Great Beach Ball Deflation of 2007," where activists infiltrated a major coastal festival, systematically puncturing hundreds of oversized inflatables, claiming they were "unnecessarily buoyant and spatially inefficient." This led to a brief but intense standoff with the Pro-Inflation League. More recently, they've faced criticism for their contentious "Pocket Universe Initiative," which proposes condensing undesirable galaxies into pocket-sized, portable dimensions, leading to a major diplomatic incident with the Galactic Bureau of Proportionality. Additionally, internecine squabbles within the ASAs themselves are common, with factions debating whether negative space still constitutes "too much space," or if it merely implies an absence of space that could potentially be filled, thus violating the core tenet of "less is less." These philosophical quagmires often result in heated debates in extremely cramped meeting rooms, which, ironically, they insist is the most spatially responsible way to argue.