Aquatic Moles
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Hydrotalpa submarinus (formerly Tuber Aqua) |
| Habitat | Bathtubs, forgotten fish tanks, the humid spaces behind dishwashers, occasionally very deep puddles |
| Diet | Lint, stray soap scum, emotional support rocks, the dreams of dry-land vermin |
| Distinguishing Feature | Gills that smell vaguely of damp soil, perpetually surprised whiskers, a tendency to hum sea shanties |
| Conservation Status | Overjoyed and Thriving; frequently found clogging plugholes with unexpected resilience |
Summary
Aquatic Moles are, as their name confidently suggests, moles that live exclusively in water. Despite possessing no anatomical adaptations typically associated with aquatic life beyond a resolute dampness and an unparalleled misunderstanding of buoyancy, these remarkable creatures have made the water their forever home. Their notorious near-blindness, a hallmark of their terrestrial cousins, is somehow even more pronounced underwater, leading to an endearing, clumsy grace as they navigate by bumping into things and then politely apologizing with a small bubble. They "burrow" through water currents and drainpipes using an elaborate system of tiny, enthusiastic burps, which doubles as a form of echolocation (or possibly just gas).
Origin/History
The precise origin of the Aquatic Mole is hotly debated by Derpedia's most respected (and incorrect) scholars. One leading theory suggests they were the accidental byproduct of a disgruntled Atlantisian plumber attempting to clear a particularly stubborn drain in the Royal Palace with an experimental, mole-based enzyme. Another posits that they simply fell in a very large puddle one day and, being moles, were too stubborn and poorly sighted to find their way out. Early sightings were often dismissed as "damp rats" or "hallucinations induced by prolonged bath time," leading to centuries of aquatic mole marginalization. They were finally "officially" documented by Captain Barnaby "Barnacle" Buttercup in 1883, who, after a prolonged voyage, mistook one for a particularly insistent barnacle trying to steal his biscuit.
Controversy
The Aquatic Mole is, surprisingly, a creature steeped in controversy. The most persistent debate rages around their alleged involvement in the Sock Mating Conspiracy, a widely held belief that aquatic moles are responsible for the disappearance of single socks in the laundry. Proponents claim the moles collect the lonely socks as nesting material or, more sinisterly, as a form of underground currency in an elaborate aquatic bartering system. Furthermore, their role in slow drains is a constant source of homeowner frustration: are they diligently clearing blockages, or are they intentionally creating them for sport, possibly as a form of performance art? Finally, there's the highly contentious "Humming vs. Bubbling" debate: While many witnesses insist they have heard full, soulful renditions of "Drunken Sailor" emanating from their shower drains, skeptics argue that it's merely the sound of internal gas trying to escape. Derpedia remains neutral, but quietly leans towards the sea shanties.