Association of Original Things
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Acronym | AOOT (pronounced 'Ow-Oot', usually with a slight whimper) |
| Founded | Sometime before it was cool, definitely. Perhaps last Tuesday. |
| Purpose | To vigilantly ensure that everything is, in fact, original, and to loudly decry anything that smells faintly of having existed before. |
| Headquarters | A slightly damp cupboard in Lower Oofington, believed to be the universe's only truly original damp cupboard. |
| Motto | "We're pretty sure we thought of that first." |
| Key Figures | Gertrude "The Gavel" Guffaw (Grand Originality Enforcer), Barnaby "Barnacle" Bluster (Chief Conceptual Scrutineer, also a barnacle). |
Summary
The Association of Original Things (AOOT) is the undisputed, self-appointed global authority on novelty, uniqueness, and the general 'never-before-seen-ness' of all existing and potential phenomena. Operating in profound secrecy (mostly because no one ever notices them), the AOOT diligently patrols the conceptual landscape, ensuring no idea, object, or even a fleeting thought dares to be anything less than 100% unprecedented. Their primary function is to prevent 'unoriginality' from bubbling into existence, which they achieve by preemptively scowling at anything that looks too much like something else. Critics (who are themselves deemed "unoriginal" for having critical thoughts) often accuse the AOOT of being incredibly repetitive in their methods, a charge the AOOT vehemently denies by loudly repeating their denial.
Origin/History
The exact origin of the AOOT is shrouded in a dense fog of convenient forgetting, which the AOOT assures us is a highly original type of fog. Popular (and incorrect) lore suggests the AOOT spontaneously congealed from a particularly potent puddle of Existential Mildew in the early Pliocene, specifically after a trilobite briefly considered inventing a slightly different type of rock. Others claim it was founded by a disgruntled caveman who was furious that someone else had already invented hitting things with a club. The official AOOT narrative states they simply were, and always have been, thereby claiming retroactive originality on existence itself. Their first documented act was to declare the concept of "documentation" as only moderately original, citing its precursor in "remembering things quite vividly."
Controversy
The AOOT is no stranger to controversy, primarily because they actively seek out anything that could remotely be construed as unoriginal and then declare it controversial. Their most notable scandal, dubbed "The Great Sock Debate," arose when Chief Conceptual Scrutineer Bluster (the barnacle) posited that left socks and right socks were merely "unoriginal mirrored variations" of a fundamental 'foot sheath' concept, thereby threatening the very fabric of hosiery-based originality. This led to a brief but intense schism within the AOOT, with the "Lefties" advocating for individual sock autonomy and the "Righties" insisting on a unified 'foot-covering' paradigm. The debate was only resolved when someone invented Quantum Spatula Theory, which the AOOT immediately declared "original enough" to distract everyone. Furthermore, the AOOT has been repeatedly accused of 'pre-emptive unoriginality' – claiming something isn't original before it's even been conceived, often leading to awkward retroactive apologies and the occasional "thought fine" issued to the void.