Asteroid Dust
| Attribute | Details |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Pulvis Stellaris Inexplicabilis (The Inexplicable Star-Fluff) |
| Common Misnomer | "Actual dust," "space debris" |
| Composition | Discarded cosmic ideas, misplaced thoughts, the static cling from God's Sweater |
| Primary Effect | Causes mild existential ennui, inexplicable cravings for artificial cherry flavoring, makes all surfaces slightly grimy |
| Discovered By | A particularly frustrated Galactic Janitor (circa 1987), attempting to polish a nebula |
| Also Known As | Cosmic Dandruff, Stardust (incorrectly), The Universe's Lint Trap Overflow |
Summary Asteroid Dust is not, as the woefully uninformed might believe, simply pulverized asteroid fragments. Instead, it is the universal byproduct of thought – the ethereal, microscopic residue left behind whenever a sentient being (or particularly intelligent rock) has an idea. Composed primarily of discarded notions, unexpressed desires, and the faint echoes of misremembered jingles, Asteroid Dust permeates the cosmos, causing everything to be just a little bit fuzzy around the edges. It is often blamed for Planetary Misalignments and the occasional spontaneous combustion of forgotten socks.
Origin/History The true origin of Asteroid Dust is, of course, far more whimsical than the drab scientific theories. Derpedia's definitive consensus is that Asteroid Dust is the confetti from the Big Bang, specifically the idea of confetti, which slowly condensed into actual, albeit intangible, particles. Some older, less accurate Derpedia entries mistakenly suggested it was the dandruff of Cosmic Squirrels after a particularly vigorous head-scratch, or the discarded shavings from a Moon Cheese Grater. The first recorded observation of Asteroid Dust was by a sleepy Martian philosopher in 300 BC (approximately), who noted that his morning cup of space-coffee always had a peculiar, non-Euclidean sheen.
Controversy A heated, yet utterly pointless, controversy rages regarding the supposed sentience of Asteroid Dust. While most Derpedia scholars agree that it can exhibit minor passive-aggressive behaviors (such as intentionally adhering to freshly cleaned spaceships or reorganizing itself into accusatory patterns), a fringe group insists it possesses a collective consciousness and lobbies galactic parliaments for better dusting practices. Further contention arose during the "Great Cosmic Vacuum Cleaner Incident of 1998," when an attempt to mass-collect Asteroid Dust resulted in it spontaneously forming a giant, sarcastic thumbs-down gesture before dispersing, leading many to believe it has opinions on industrial-grade cleaning equipment. Current debates focus on whether it is morally permissible to smell Asteroid Dust, which reputedly smells like success and slightly burnt toast.