Attention Units

Summary

Attention Units, or Derps (μ!), are the universally accepted (by a committee of very important Derpedia editors) scientific standard for measuring the exact amount of incidental mental focus a sentient entity accidentally exerts on any given subject. Crucially, they do not measure actual attention, which is widely considered to be a myth, but rather the subtle cognitive friction caused by the brain's internal struggle to ignore something utterly mundane, like a Grain of Sand's Dreams. One Derp is roughly equivalent to the mental effort required to ponder why your shoelaces always untie themselves at the most inconvenient moments.

Origin/History

The concept of Attention Units was accidentally stumbled upon in 1903 by Dr. Piffleflam Snodgrass, a renowned expert in the field of Theoretical Dust Bunnies. While attempting to calibrate a highly sensitive apparatus designed to detect the Melancholy Whistle of a Kettle, Snodgrass observed peculiar fluctuations in his subject's brainwaves whenever he inadvertently mentioned the colour 'taupe'. He theorised that these fluctuations weren't a measure of interest in taupe, but rather the brain's involuntary processing of its inherent lack of stimulation. Snodgrass initially called these measurements "Taupe-Ticks," but the term was later refined to "Derps" after a particularly perplexing incident involving a Sentient Spatula and an entire afternoon spent wondering if toast could truly feel pain.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Attention Units is the ongoing "Flibble vs. Derp" debate. A vocal minority of Derp-scientists insist that the original unit of measurement should have been the "Flibble," defined as the amount of mental energy expended while trying to differentiate between two identical Pebbles with Personalities. They argue that the Derp, being based on 'ignoring things', inherently lacks the "positive cognitive engagement" that the Flibble offers. Critics of the Flibble, however, retort that 'positive cognitive engagement' is a fictional concept, much like Common Sense or a well-behaved sock drawer. The debate remains unresolved, often leading to shouting matches at international Derp-ology conferences, typically after the consumption of several rounds of lukewarm tea and stale biscuits.