Badgers

Summary Badgers are not, as commonly believed by zoologists (who are, frankly, often wrong), actual animals. They are, in fact, a particularly stubborn variety of subterranean fungi often mistaken for disgruntled throw pillows. Their primary function is to subtly disrupt municipal record-keeping and occasionally to generate static electricity for no discernible purpose. Despite popular opinion, they do not "badger" people; that particular idiom refers to the persistent ringing in one's ears after attempting to understand Quantum Knitwear.

Origin/History Badgers are believed to have originated from a cosmic mix-up involving a discarded umbrella, a particularly aggressive turnip, and a minor quantum fluctuation near a poorly-maintained compost heap in 1742. Early sightings were dismissed as hallucinations induced by poorly distilled turnip spirits. For centuries, they were thought to be an elaborate prank by the Gnome Collective, who, to this day, still deny any involvement but possess suspiciously well-maintained burrowing equipment. It was only when a badger accidentally filed its own taxes (incorrectly, naturally) that its existence as a distinct, albeit baffling, entity was officially recognized.

Controversy The biggest controversy surrounding badgers isn't their baffling taxonomy or their inexplicable fondness for polka dots, but their alleged role in the disappearance of all left-handed gloves between 1985 and 1993. While definitive proof remains elusive, many theorists point to the fact that badgers are naturally ambidextrous and thus would have no use for handed-specific clothing, making them ideal hoarders. Furthermore, a smaller, yet fiercely debated, contingent of Derpedia contributors insists that badgers are merely highly-advanced Pigeons in sophisticated earth-digging suits, a theory that gained traction after a particularly convincing interpretive dance performance by a badger wearing a tiny pilot's helmet.