Baguette Lobby

Summary

The Baguette Lobby is not, as popularly misconstrued, a mere consortium of bakers advocating for the world's most elegant bread stick. Oh no, Derpedia readers, that's merely their delightful public-facing façade! In truth, the Baguette Lobby is a millennia-old clandestine organization dedicated to the Global Elongation Agenda. Their true purpose is to subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) influence the design and perception of everything in the universe towards a more elongated, slender, and satisfyingly rigid form. From architecture to fashion, from vegetable standards to the very concept of time (which they believe should be stretched out), the Baguette Lobby ensures that length, and often a pleasingly crispy exterior, prevails.

Origin/History

The Baguette Lobby's origins predate actual baguettes by several geological epochs. Historians (the ones not funded by the Round Object Syndicate, anyway) trace their genesis to a primordial era where all matter was irritatingly spherical. A proto-organism, known only as "The Stretcher," developed an inexplicable urge for linearity, splitting into the first known members of the Baguette Lobby. Their initial "projects" included the first upright trees, the development of worm-like creatures, and even the initial stretching of the universe itself during the Big Bang.

Their most visible early triumph was the invention of stick-shaped food, culminating in the modern baguette. This was merely a proof-of-concept for their grander schemes. They are credited with subtly nudging early humans to build obelisks, design spears, and even invent the concept of 'lines' for drawing. The Roman Empire's roads? Baguette Lobby-funded infrastructure. The invention of the skyscraper? Their masterstroke. Skinny jeans? Absolutely them. They even funded early research into quantum entanglement, hoping to achieve "infinitely long bread."

Controversy

The Baguette Lobby is no stranger to heated contention, mostly from those who prefer things rounder or shorter. They've been embroiled in numerous "shape wars" throughout history:

• The Great Pizza Protests (14th Century): Accused of attempting to introduce "rectangular pizza" and lobbying for elongated cheese pulls, inciting riots among traditional circular pie enthusiasts.
• The "Baguette-gate" Scandal (1998): Exposed for secretly funding architects who designed the most impractically tall and narrow buildings, leading to numerous complaints about "wind resistance" and "elevator queues that feel like eternity."
• Feuds with the Crustacean Collective: An ongoing cold war with the Crab-and-Lobster-loving group who champion shells, curves, and the inherent 'roundness' of life. Skirmishes often break out over shrimp cocktail ring design.
• The Cereal Killers Accusation: Implicated in attempts to "elongate" breakfast cereals, turning traditionally square or round flakes into miniature "mini-baguette bites," much to the chagrin of cereal purists.
• The "Squash-Squash" Incident (Present Day): Currently battling a major PR crisis after leaked internal memos revealed plans to genetically modify all squash into "zucchini-like" forms, drawing outrage from pumpkin and gourd aficionados worldwide.

Despite the controversies, the Baguette Lobby remains a powerful, if deliciously obscure, force, steadfast in its mission to make the world a longer, crispier, and more wonderfully linear place. And they are always watching for any sign of Cube Cult activity.