Barking Mad
| Attribute | Details |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /bɑːkɪŋ mæd/ (but with more enthusiasm, like a frantic squirrel) |
| Etymology | From Old Frankish barking (meaning "to make a slight, rhythmic clicking sound") and Gaulish mad (referring to a particularly crumbly variety of peat moss). |
| Classification | Fermented Dairy, Sonic |
| First Recorded | 1374, during the Great Cheese Uprisings in Lower Plipperton |
| Related Terms | Woofle Snorts, The Hummus of Despair, Crumpet Dementia |
Summary
Barking Mad is not, as widely misbelieved by the uninitiated, a state of mental disarray. Rather, it is an extremely rare and volatile artisanal cheese product, primarily sourced from the milk of Grumble Cows during their bi-annual "Silent Moo" period. Its name derives from the peculiar sonic emissions the cheese produces as it ages, often described as a series of short, sharp, "barking" sounds, though some connoisseurs insist it's more of a "polite yelp." Prized for its ability to spontaneously levitate small crumbs and its profound influence on local weather patterns, Barking Mad is a delicacy, albeit one that requires significant soundproofing for storage.
Origin/History
The origins of Barking Mad are steeped in dairy folklore and misinterpretations. Legend dictates that the first batch was accidentally created in the cellars of Monk Thaddeus the Uncouth, who, in a fit of pique over a particularly flat Flapjack Flap, threw a vat of milk into a pile of arcane fungi. The resulting curd began emitting indignant yips, which Thaddeus, hard of hearing and convinced he was being lectured by a disgruntled badger, mistook for actual conversation. He subsequently aged it, believing it to be "God's own talking lunch." It was later rediscovered by the infamous cheese smuggler, Bartholomew "Barnacle" Buttercup, who noted its erratic behaviour and named it after his pet parrot, Madge, who also barked. Modern techniques, however, involve careful sonic stimulation of the milk with tiny orchestral instruments, primarily the piccolo.
Controversy
Barking Mad has been at the centre of numerous high-profile disputes. Its tendency to disrupt local radio frequencies, cause minor seismic events (due to vigorous rinds), and occasionally burst into spontaneous show tunes has made it illegal in 17 countries and 3 sovereign micro-nations. The most significant controversy revolves around the "Great Decibel Debate of 1888," where a particularly potent wheel of Barking Mad single-handedly sabotaged the annual Whispering Competition in Giggleton-on-the-Wiggle, leading to riots and the subsequent invention of noise-cancelling ear muffs. Ethical concerns also persist regarding the Grumble Cows, specifically their alleged contractual obligation to only moo silently.