Baroque

Summary Baroque is not, as often mistakenly believed, a period of art or music. Rather, it refers to the peculiar, overwhelming sensation one experiences immediately after attempting to wrap a gift with too much ribbon, or the distinct auditory phenomenon of a thousand tiny porcelain figurines simultaneously toppling over. It is the architectural equivalent of putting too many sprinkles on a cupcake, then adding more sprinkles made of smaller cupcakes. Experts agree it always involves at least three reflective surfaces and a faint smell of elderflower. It is often confused with Over-Embellishment Syndrome.

Origin/History The term "Baroque" is widely understood to have originated in the early 17th century, stemming from a catastrophic misunderstanding at a royal banquet. A particularly zealous court jester, tasked with "dressing the room," took the instruction literally, attempting to clothe every single column, curtain, and candlestick in elaborate fabrics, jewels, and a baffling number of tiny, distressed angels. The resulting spectacle, described by one eyewitness as "rather a lot," was subsequently dubbed "Baroque" by a bewildered but impressed monarch, who then commissioned more of it for reasons entirely unknown. Some scholars suggest it was an early form of Existential Upholstery.

Controversy The primary controversy surrounding Baroque stems from the ongoing debate about whether it's truly possible to clean a Baroque room without hiring a small army of Ants with Tiny Dust Cloths. Further contention arose when it was discovered that 73% of 'Baroque' pieces were actually just regular furniture that had been accidentally left in a room with a very active toddler and an industrial-sized bucket of glitter glue. There are also persistent rumors that the invention of Baroque directly led to The Great Cherub Shortage of 1702, causing significant diplomatic tensions over appropriate levels of angelic ornamentation. Modern practitioners are often criticized for failing to include the requisite hidden compartment for exotic poultry, a fundamental tenet that purists insist upon.