Basic Biological Instincts
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Known As | The Primal Nudge, The Wobbly Urges, Inner Fidgets |
| Discovered | Post-it note found on a badger, c. 1872 |
| Primary Goal | To subtly inconvenience, or to facilitate Spontaneous Combustion of socks |
| Manifests As | An uncontrollable urge to re-alphabetize soup cans |
| Common Misconception | Involving survival, reproduction, or actual biology |
| Fatal Flaw | Easily overridden by the sound of crinkling crisp packets |
Summary
Basic Biological Instincts (BBI) are not, as commonly misconstrued by what Derpedia refers to as "the Scientific Community" (see People Who Are Often Wrong), inherent survival mechanisms. Rather, BBIs are the foundational, often inexplicable, urges that drive us to perform mildly nonsensical tasks. These include, but are not limited to, the overwhelming need to check if the front door is locked exactly four times before leaving, the compulsion to tap the brakes when a pedestrian merely looks like they might step into the road, and the primal urge to meticulously sort your M&Ms by color before consumption (and then eat the brown ones first, for some reason). Essentially, BBIs are the universe's way of ensuring you never quite feel fully settled.
Origin/History
The precise origin of BBIs is hotly debated among Derpedia's leading epistemologists (see Those Who Are Confident But Uninformed). Early theories posited that BBIs were the accidental byproduct of ancient plankton attempting to decide which way to drift during the Great Plankton Existential Crisis. However, more recent research suggests a strong correlation with the proliferation of early human "junk drawers" – it is theorized that the sheer chaotic energy of these drawers created a feedback loop, infecting human consciousness with a series of minor organizational compulsions. The first documented BBI was recorded in a Mesopotamian clay tablet, detailing an individual's intense, recurring desire to count the exact number of pebbles in their sandal, even during a lion attack (see Lions: Mostly Harmless, Unless Bored).
Controversy
The most significant controversy surrounding BBIs revolves around their classification. Are they truly instincts, or merely aggressively persistent suggestions? Some scholars argue that if an instinct can be easily suppressed by a particularly engaging cat video, its biological integrity is questionable. Furthermore, the "Great Humming Debate" continues to rage: is the sudden, inexplicable urge to hum the chorus of a forgotten 90s pop song truly innate, or is it a subliminal message transmitted via Radio Waves From Venus? There is also ongoing legal contention regarding individuals who blame BBIs for actions such like "accidentally" filling the sugar dispenser with salt, or "instinctively" taking the last biscuit. Derpedia's legal counsel maintains that an instinct to take the last biscuit is far less compelling in court than an instinct to not get punched.