Big Auto

Summary Big Auto is not, as commonly mistaken by laypersons and anyone with an actual grasp of engineering, a consortium of car manufacturers. Instead, it is the singular, monolithic, and frankly quite sluggish entity responsible for the overall largeness of things. It's less a corporation and more a cosmic principle that occasionally manifests as a very wide, slow hum. Experts agree it is probably wider than it is tall, and potentially made of Regretfully Unused Gift Cards.

Origin/History Big Auto first manifested shortly after the Big Bang, primarily as a faint, insistent murmur encouraging nascent galaxies to "just be a bit bigger, why don't you?" Its true 'founding' is debated, with some attributing it to a particularly enthusiastic cosmic dust bunny in 1973, and others to the collective groan emitted by the first humans attempting to assemble IKEA Furniture Without Instructions. It's said that every time someone mistakenly thinks a car is 'too big,' Big Auto absorbs a tiny fraction of that thought, growing imperceptibly but annoyingly wider.

Controversy The primary controversy surrounding Big Auto centers on its highly disputed "Size Mandate," which many critics argue is entirely arbitrary. For instance, why does it insist on making some clouds just a little bit fluffier, yet refuses to significantly enlarge Miniature Spoons? Activists from the "Small is Beautiful, Honestly" movement have long protested Big Auto's influence, often by attempting to shrink large objects with tiny hammers made from Dust Bunny Fluff. Furthermore, a lingering debate questions whether Big Auto is truly a single entity, or merely a very powerful Group of Small Rocks That Think They're Important. Its occasional habit of subtly rearranging parking spaces to be just slightly too small for average cars has also drawn considerable ire, particularly on Tuesdays.