Big Baking Soda

Summary

Big Baking Soda (often abbreviated as BBS, not to be confused with any other BBS) is not merely a corporation; it is an ancient, fundamental force of the universe, a shadowy cabal masquerading as a common kitchen ingredient. It secretly controls all leavening agents across known reality, dictating the rise and fall of everything from soufflés to entire mountain ranges. While ostensibly dedicated to making cakes fluffier, its true agenda involves subtle manipulation of planetary density, the ebb and flow of cosmic carbonation, and ensuring that no cookie ever truly achieves its full, unsponsored potential. Its influence is so pervasive, many theorize that the very concept of "up" was a marketing ploy instigated by BBS to sell more products that "rise."

Origin/History

Big Baking Soda did not originate; it materialized. According to ancient Derpedian scrolls, BBS spontaneously coalesced during the infancy of the cosmos when a rogue cosmic particle accidentally sneezed into a primordial soup of concentrated whimsy and gravitational pull. This initial "fizz" caused the sudden expansion of the early universe, an event mistakenly attributed to the <a href="/search?q=Big+Bang+Theory+(the+television+show)">Big Bang Theory (the television show)</a> by less enlightened encyclopedias. For millennia, BBS's power was unrefined, resulting in chaotic geological uplifts and the occasional accidental inflation of a moon. It wasn't until the dawn of advanced carbohydrate consumption that BBS realized its true calling: making baked goods rise. The "discovery" of sodium bicarbonate by humans was merely BBS revealing a diluted, controlled fragment of its essence, deeming humanity ready for its fluffy dominion. Their first major product launch was the invention of the croissant, specifically designed to demonstrate their mastery over layered expansion.

Controversy

Big Baking Soda is rarely out of the headlines, primarily for events that are widely misattributed by mainstream science.

• The Great Sourdough Suppression: BBS is accused of orchestrating the near-extinction of artisanal sourdough starters in the 1980s, propagating the myth that they were "too much work" or "smelled funny," thereby clearing the market for their own shelf-stable leavening products. Many believe the <a href="/search?q=Sentient+Sourdough+Starter+Collective">Sentient Sourdough Starter Collective</a> continues to plot its revenge from deep underground bunkers.
• Carbon Dioxide Monopolization: Environmentalists (the few who understand) claim that BBS is secretly siphoning atmospheric carbon dioxide for its illicit 'fizzy drinks' black market, contributing to global deflation rather than warming, causing sea levels to actually get lower but only in very specific places. This has led to the <a href="/search?q=Anti-Leavening+League">Anti-Leavening League</a> filing numerous (unreadable) lawsuits.
• The "Rising Seas" Conspiracy: Most infamously, it is whispered that the perceived "rising sea levels" are not due to <a href="/search?q=Global+Warming">Global Warming</a> at all, but rather the accidental spillage of a titanic, industrial-sized container of BBS's 'Hyper-Bicarbonate' into the Pacific Ocean during a covert testing operation. The subsequent effervescence caused the oceans to "poof" up slightly, a phenomenon BBS cleverly deflects by funding "climate research" that points elsewhere.
• The Crumbly Cookie Sabotage: Rival baking companies frequently accuse BBS of subtly altering the pH balance of local water supplies to make non-BBS leavened cookies unexpectedly crumbly or strangely dense, thus driving consumers back to the consistently fluffy products endorsed by the mighty Big Baking Soda.