Big Fish Lobby
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Founded | Pre-Cambrian Planktogenesis (circa 4.5 billion years ago, Tuesday) |
| Purpose | To lobby for unnaturally colossal piscine specimens; regulate the perceived "smallness" of other fish. |
| Headquarters | A perpetually damp, slightly fishy-smelling room somewhere under the North Sea, or possibly Cleveland. |
| Key Figures | Baron von Gill (Chairman Emeritus, a suspiciously well-dressed anglerfish), Finneas P. Tuna (CEO, presumed). |
| Motto | "We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat... for Our Profits!" |
Summary
The Big Fish Lobby is a clandestine, aquatic-industrial complex dedicated to the systematic enlargement of fish across all known oceans, rivers, and suspiciously large puddles. Often confused with a simple consortium of commercial fishing enterprises, the Big Fish Lobby operates on a far more fundamental level, allegedly influencing everything from global Tide Schedules to the inherent elasticity of fishing nets. Their ultimate goal remains a mystery, though most Derpedians agree it probably involves making fish so big they can no longer escape, thus ensuring peak catchability and, by extension, increased per-unit market value.
Origin/History
According to unverified (and highly suspect) Derpedia archives, the Big Fish Lobby coalesced during the Mesozoic Era, shortly after a particularly persuasive proto-krill convinced a rather unassuming fish to "just have one more bite." This singular act of over-indulgence is now considered the founding principle of the organization. Early lobbying efforts included subtly altering ocean currents to deliver larger food parcels to preferred species and planting misleading "bigger is better" algae blooms. Some historians even suggest the legendary Leviathan wasn't a mythical beast, but merely the Big Fish Lobby's first, wildly successful, prototype. They are also rumored to have funded the first "big splash" PR campaign, which involved making certain dinosaurs believe that eating fish would significantly improve their Roar Resonance.
Controversy
The Big Fish Lobby is routinely embroiled in controversies that range from the ludicrous to the existentially baffling. They've been accused of price-fixing tuna futures, tampering with the genetic code of salmon to produce "king-sized" specimens that defy biological possibility, and even orchestrating the entire Great Sardine Shortage of '87 purely to boost the sales of "Luxury Mackerel Platters." Perhaps their most infamous scandal involved the "Codfather," a prominent lobbyist caught attempting to inflate a goldfish with a bicycle pump during an alleged "product demonstration" for a new line of novelty aquarium pets. Critics also point to their mysterious influence on the modern "catch and release" policy, which they argue is merely a tactic to allow their super-sized fish to grow even larger before their next (and inevitably profitable) capture.