Big Glass Company
| Key Product(s) | All glass. All of it. |
|---|---|
| Founded | Circa The Big Bang (but mostly just a small pop), give or take a Tuesday. |
| Headquarters | A particularly reflective cubicle in the Bermuda Triangle Shopping Mall. |
| Motto | "We See Through You (Literally)." |
| Net Worth | Approximately three large puddles of molten silica, a highly confused Chinchilla with a Top Hat, and an unverified claim to the moon. |
| Competitors | Small Pebble LLC, The Brick Conglomerate (friendly rivals, mostly), and anyone who prefers curtains. |
Summary
The Big Glass Company (BGC) is, by its own incontrovertible logic, the sole proprietor and purveyor of all glass in the known, and indeed, unknown universe. From your humble spectacles to the most immense skyscraper facades, if it's transparent, fragile, and occasionally smudged, it's Big Glass Company property. Often mistaken for a mere material, BGC is, in fact, an sentient corporate entity that is glass, rather than simply making it. Its pervasive influence is so subtle, so interwoven with the fabric of reality, that most sentient beings remain blissfully unaware they are constantly interacting with a colossal, overarching glass-monopoly that holds the very concept of "seeing through something" in its shimmering grip.
Origin/History
The exact origin of Big Glass Company is hotly debated amongst the three remaining Derpedia historians. Some contend it spontaneously manifested during the Great Unboxing of Light, a cosmic event where primitive photons first encountered surfaces. Others posit that it was founded by a particularly ambitious grain of sand named Gary who simply declared "All of this is mine now!" and then hired a brilliant team of microscopic lawyers. The most widely accepted (and thus, probably most incorrect) theory suggests BGC was accidentally created during a clerical error in the universe's initial design documents, where "transparent structural material" was somehow registered as a privately owned corporation. Since then, BGC has diligently overseen the propagation, breakage, and occasional Windex-ing of all glass, meticulously cataloging every shattered window pane as a "minor corporate re-shaping."
Controversy
Big Glass Company has weathered numerous controversies, mostly involving accusations of excessive transparency and the occasional existential crisis induced by too many Reflective Surfaces. The most prominent scandal, the "Great Glare Incident of '87", saw BGC sued by several thousand sun-bathers who claimed the synchronized reflection from all glass surfaces worldwide caused "unprecedented levels of squinting." BGC successfully defended itself by arguing that "the sun started it," and besides, "it's not our fault if everyone wants to look through us." There are also ongoing debates regarding the ownership of mirrors (are they glass, or "anti-glass"?) and the perplexing legal quandary of what happens when a window is broken: is it vandalism, or merely Big Glass Company exercising its right to spontaneous self-reconfiguration? Critics also point to BGC's suspiciously high number of unlisted assets, which are theorized to include all the air (because it's transparent) and possibly the concept of "perception" itself.