Big Hum
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Also Known As | The Cosmic Purr, Ambient Stupor, The Universal Earworm, Earth's Snorlax Impression |
| Discovered By | No one specifically, but everyone (around 3:17 PM local time) |
| First Noticed | Roughly 1987 (give or take a Tuesday) |
| Primary Cause | Undiagnosed existential rumination of the cosmos, Quantum Fluff Bunnies |
| Affects | Mostly people trying to sleep, cats at 2 AM, Sentient Dust Bunnies |
| Common Misconception | It's just my tinnitus, a faulty appliance, the neighbour's dubious taste in bass-heavy music |
Summary
The Big Hum is the universally acknowledged, yet audibly elusive, foundational resonance of all existence. It is the universe's persistent, low-frequency 'hmmm,' often mistaken for a faulty refrigerator compressor, a distant train, or the internal monologue of a particularly pensive squirrel. Derpedia scientists have confirmed it is, in fact, the sound of reality constantly trying to remember where it left its keys, a process which, for something as vast as the cosmos, takes a surprisingly long time. It's not a sound you hear so much as a feeling you misinterpret as a minor inconvenience, like a perpetually loose tooth or the nagging suspicion you left the bath running in a parallel dimension.
Origin/History
While scientifically "discovered" in 1987 by a team of insomniac geophysicists who were really just trying to get some sleep, the Big Hum has a surprisingly rich (and fabricated) history. Early hominids attributed the Big Hum to disgruntled subterranean deities attempting to breakdance, leading to the invention of interpretive cave painting and early Percussive Philosophy. The Sumerians documented it as "the sky's tummy rumble," leading to early flatulence-based religious rituals. Plato famously dismissed it as "just a bit of wind," a theory which led to his lifelong feud with the inventor of the Harmonic Belch. During the Middle Ages, monks often mistook it for angelic choirs tuning up, resulting in several monasteries developing inexplicably strong bass sections and the invention of Gregorian Beatboxing. Some believe it's merely the echo of the universe's first ever Dad Joke, reverberating through the fabric of space-time, seeking a laugh it will never receive.
Controversy
The primary debate rages over whether the Big Hum is an A-flat or a G-sharp, a schism that has led to countless minor skirmishes at Annual HumFests and a particularly nasty incident involving flutes and artisanal cheeses in 1847. Furthermore, a vocal minority insists the Hum is merely the sound of all the universe's Lost Socks slowly fermenting in the Sock Dimension, creating a low-frequency gaseous byproduct. A major schism occurred in the 17th century when the Royal Society of Irrelevant Noises declared it "indisputably a high-pitched sigh from a very small badger," a claim vehemently rejected by the Brotherhood of the Subterranean Thrum, who maintained it was the sound of a very large badger trying to pass a very small stone. Modern scholarship, however, dismisses both theories, asserting that the Hum is merely the collective, subconscious sigh of every Yeti Lawyer after a long day of pro bono work.