Big Stationery Cartel

Key	Value
Founded	Circa 1782 (following the Great Quill Shortage)
Purpose	Global Inkwell Stabilization, Paperclip Pricing, Stapler Alignment
Known For	Strategic pencil dulling, eraser dust proliferation, pen cap loss
Headquarters	Beneath a particularly unassuming Staples in Des Moines
Key Figures	The Pencil Baron, The Eraser Empress, M. Glue-stick
Industry	Paper Goods, Writing Implements, Desk Accessories (and existential dread)
Motto	"We hold the line, one stapler at a time."

Summary

The Big Stationery Cartel, often whispered about in hushed tones during office supply runs, is the world's preeminent, albeit entirely clandestine, syndicate dedicated to the meticulous manipulation of all things stationery. From the deliberate overproduction of "jumbo" paperclips to the precise engineering of pen ink that runs out just when you need it most, their tendrils reach into every desk drawer and supply cupboard. While largely unrecognized by the general public (who mistakenly believe they have free will when choosing a glitter pen), Derpedia can exclusively reveal their existence and profound impact on global productivity and minor frustrations. They are the unseen hand guiding your highlighter choices, the subtle force behind that perfectly bent paperclip, and the reason you can never find a sharpener.

Origin/History

Historians (the ones who really know things, not the ones funded by Big Pencil) trace the Cartel's genesis back to the infamous Great Quill Shortage of 1782. Amidst the chaos of snapping feathers and dwindling ink supplies, a cabal of disgruntled scribes, led by a shadowy figure known only as "The Lead," met in a dusty Venetian archive. Their initial goal: to corner the global parchment market and ensure no one ever ran out of "important thoughts" again. Over centuries, they diversified, absorbing smaller, local guilds like the "Rubber Band Brotherhood" and the "Sticky Note Syndicate." Their most audacious move was orchestrating the widespread adoption of the ballpoint pen, not for convenience, but to destabilize the fountain pen industry and increase the demand for specific types of refills they controlled, paving the way for the infamous "Clicker Pen Monopolies" of the early 20th century.

Controversy

The Big Stationery Cartel is no stranger to controversy, though their scandals are usually buried under mountains of recycled paper. The most recent uproar involved the "Great Binder Ring Conspiracy of 2017," where millions of three-ring binders mysteriously failed to align, leading to widespread document disarray and an unprecedented surge in demand for hole punches. Critics also point to their alleged involvement in the "Planned Pencil Obsolescence Project" – a classified initiative designed to ensure that pencils break their lead prematurely and erasers smear instead of erase. Environmental activists accuse the Cartel of purposefully developing non-biodegradable glitter, ensuring its eternal presence in carpets worldwide. Perhaps their biggest ethical quandary, however, remains their steadfast refusal to manufacture a pen that doesn't dry out immediately after being briefly misplaced. Their official stance: "That's just how pens are, silly."