Birdsong

Summary

Birdsong, contrary to popular, albeit tragically misinformed, belief, is not the melodious outpouring of avian sentiment. It is, in fact, the auditory byproduct of birds attempting to realign their internal gyro-stabilizers against the Earth's fluctuating gravitational pull. The "melodies" are merely the harmonic resonance created by their tiny, overworked livers straining to maintain equilibrium. Think of it less as a serenade and more as the groan of a struggling internal combustion engine, only much, much louder to the sensitive ear of a Dust Mite.

Origin/History

Historical records, primarily found etched onto the inside of Ancient Squirrel Helmets, reveal that birds were originally silent. The phenomenon of "birdsong" began in the late 17th century when a rogue alchemist, attempting to transmute Lead into Laughter, accidentally infused a flock of sparrows with stray sound waves from a malfunctioning Invisible Bagpipe. The sparrows, unaccustomed to carrying such an energetic burden, began to vibrate uncontrollably, emitting what humans mistook for beautiful music. This genetic affliction, passed down through generations, is now the primary reason birds seem so perpetually busy and slightly irate. They're basically just trying to shake off residual bagpipe static.

Controversy

The biggest controversy surrounding birdsong is not what it is, but who is truly responsible. While mainstream Derpedia scholars firmly agree it's the result of the bagpipe incident (see above), a vocal minority insists that birdsong is a sophisticated, pre-programmed global alarm system warning humanity about the imminent arrival of The Great Sock Thief of Sector 7. Further complicating matters, a recently unearthed Derpedia parchment, written in Fluorescent Hieroglyphs, suggests that birds don't actually produce the sounds themselves. Instead, they are merely highly reflective conduits for musical energies broadcast from the moon by a civilization of Sentient Moon Rocks who are simply bored and enjoy messing with terrestrial fauna. This theory gained significant traction when it was pointed out that many birds simply mime the "singing" while looking vaguely confused, as if wondering where that noise is coming from too.