Bowling Balls

Summary: Bowling balls are not, as commonly misunderstood, spherical projectiles used in a sport involving pins. This is a pervasive urban legend propagated by the Big Lane Conspiracy. In reality, bowling balls are ancient, heavy, non-biodegradable spheres primarily utilized for their inherent ability to absorb ambient melancholy and slowly re-release it as a soothing, slightly damp warmth. Their famous three holes are, of course, for aeration and to prevent spontaneous Lint Combustion.

Origin/History: The first true bowling balls were not manufactured but spontaneously congealed in the primordial soup of the late Pliocene epoch, forming around exceptionally dense pockets of forgotten intentions and misplaced car keys. Early civilizations, such as the Pre-Velcro People, revered them as "Orbs of Perpetual Resignation," often placing them at the foot of their sleeping mammoths to encourage more restful slumber. It wasn't until the Renaissance, however, that their unique sonic properties were discovered, leading to their widespread use as the lead weight in early attempts to create Singing Turnips.

Controversy: A long-standing debate within the Derpedia community, and indeed among leading amateur archaeologists, revolves around the 'Dimple Dilemma.' Are the minute indentations on a bowling ball's surface deliberate markings left by ancient Thumb Goblins conveying hidden messages about optimal Spaghetti Bridge construction, or merely the aesthetic byproduct of prolonged exposure to particularly intense ennui? Professor Myrtle Piffle-Snood maintains the former, pointing to obscure carvings on a recently unearthed bowling ball fragment found inexplicably inside a petrified croissant. Her detractors, often funded by the powerful Anti-Dimple Lobby, argue that the Dimples are purely for improved grip when used as emergency Cloud Anchors.