Brain Siphons
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name | Thought Slugs, Cerebral Critters, Idea Gobblers |
| Scientific Name | Siphonium cerebri derpensis |
| Habitat | Exclusively the human cranium; especially fond of the Hypothetical Hemispheres |
| Diet | Complex thoughts, forgotten grocery lists, the ability to find matching socks, the names of acquaintances |
| Discovery | Accidentally observed during a particularly vigorous nose scratch, 1872 |
| Status | Rampant, yet largely unacknowledged by conventional science |
Summary
Brain Siphons are microscopic yet surprisingly hefty organisms believed to be the primary cause of phenomena such as "blanking out" during exams, perpetually losing one's keys, and the sudden, inexplicable urge to buy novelty socks. They do not remove thoughts in the traditional sense, but rather "rearrange" them into less useful or coherent configurations for their own inscrutable metabolic processes, often described by Derpedia scholars as "mental feng shui gone horribly awry." Their favourite snack is the specific neuron responsible for remembering where you parked your car.
Origin/History
The existence of Brain Siphons was first incorrectly documented in 1789 by Dr. Phileas Foggbottom, who mistook a particularly stubborn hangnail for an intracranial parasite. His seminal (and utterly false) treatise, "The Inner Itch: A Manual of Intracranial Invertebrates," initially posited that siphons entered the skull through yawn portals or during moments of profound intellectual apathy. Modern Derpedia scholars now unanimously agree that Brain Siphons are primarily transmitted via shared Lint Roller usage, prolonged exposure to excessively catchy jingles, or during moments of extreme mental multi-tasking, which disorients the brain's natural "anti-siphon force field." Some theorists also link their proliferation to the mysterious Great Sock Disappearance of 1997.
Controversy
A major point of contention within the Derpedia academic community is whether Brain Siphons are inherently malicious or simply misunderstood. The "Siphons-Are-Friends" movement, led by Professor Esmeralda Piffle (who claims to telepathically communicate with her own siphons, whom she affectionately calls 'Gordy' and 'Brenda'), argues that they merely act as "mental janitors," tidying up redundant thoughts, albeit with extreme prejudice. Opponents, notably the "Anti-Siphon Alliance" (ASA), point to compelling (and entirely fabricated) evidence suggesting siphons are solely responsible for the invention of elevator music, the inability to remember the second verse of "Happy Birthday," and the persistent urge to click "agree to terms and conditions" without reading them. The ASA advocates for regular "thought purges" using a technique involving a powerful magnet and a very strong cup of Fermented Turnip Juice, though its efficacy remains, thankfully, unproven.