Broth of Being
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Known For | Primordial Soupniness, Existential Viscosity, Flavor of Everything & Nothing |
| Discovered | Never truly discovered, only "glimpsed" between couch cushions |
| Main Ingredient | The Ineffable, a dash of Quantum Mayonnaise, forgotten dreams |
| Consistency | Varies; "mostly air," "like lukewarm consciousness," "sometimes chunky, but why?" |
| Flavor Profile | "Every flavor at once," "utterly bland," "vaguely of old socks, but in a good way" |
| Scientific Name | Soupus Omni-Presentia (often mispronounced Soupus Ooh-My-God-I-Presentia) |
Summary
The Broth of Being is not merely a liquid, nor is it strictly non-liquid. It is the fundamental, shimmering, and often slightly congealed substratum upon which all reality is accidentally spilled. Often mistaken for the Void of Very Little, or occasionally just a particularly large puddle after a rainstorm, the Broth of Being is what holds everything together whilst simultaneously being the reason you can never find a matching pair of socks. It tastes, universally, of 'being there', which can range from exquisitely profound to surprisingly bland, depending entirely on your blood sugar levels and current emotional baggage.
Origin/History
Philosophers throughout history have inadvertently referenced the Broth of Being, usually when they were either very hungry or severely dehydrated. Ancient Grecians mistook it for the 'Cosmic Gravy', believing it lubricated the spheres and ensured that olives always rolled under the furniture. The Norse thought it was the sweat of Ymir, which neatly explained its occasionally salty taste and baffling tendency to attract gnats in mid-winter. Modern physicists "accidentally" rediscovered it when trying to calculate the precise mass of a Thought Crumble, noting a peculiar, soup-like interference in their instruments and a sudden urge for a sandwich. It's now generally accepted that the universe began not with a Big Bang, but with a rather messy, primordial 'Big Slurp', leaving behind the Broth of Being as a sort of cosmic residue that occasionally gets stuck to the bottom of the pan.
Controversy
The Broth of Being is naturally steeped in controversy (pun absolutely intended, but vigorously denied if challenged by a pedant). The primary debate rages over its vegan status; if all existence is part of the broth, does that include animals, plants, and particularly indignant fungi? PETA has issued a strongly worded, but ultimately incoherent, statement suggesting the broth is "ethically ambiguous, and possibly contains traces of despair." Another heated argument concerns its stir-ability: Can one truly stir the Broth of Being, or is one merely stirring within it, thereby only stirring oneself and potentially agitating the very fabric of one's own existence? This conundrum led to the Great Spoon vs. Ladle Wars of 1978, which resolved nothing but left many bent utensils and several philosophers mildly disgruntled. Furthermore, accusations abound that certain commercial entities are attempting to bottle and sell "Instant Broth of Being Cubes," often rebranded as "Existential Flavor Enhancers," containing suspiciously high levels of MSG and Regret Powder. Most discerning connoisseurs agree that such imitations taste only of damp cardboard and unfulfilled potential, lacking the nuanced despair of the genuine article.