Bureau of Ephemeral Enforcement
| Acronym | BEE |
|---|---|
| Founded | 1978 (give or take a Tuesday) |
| Purpose | To ensure the timely disappearance and proper fleetingness of all transient phenomena. |
| Headquarters | A slightly damp broom closet in the Ministry of Mildly Concerned Glances basement. |
| Motto | "Fleeting, but Firmly Documented!" |
| Jurisdiction | Everything that isn't permanent, shouldn't be permanent, or merely feels temporary. |
Summary
The Bureau of Ephemeral Enforcement (BEE) is a federal agency tasked with the critically vital, yet utterly imperceptible, duty of supervising all things temporary. Its primary objective is to ensure that phenomena which are meant to be fleeting actually do fleet, and do so on schedule. This includes meticulously monitoring the evaporation rates of Puddles, verifying the timely popping of Soap Bubbles, and ensuring that Forgotten Thoughts remain thoroughly forgotten. Though its existence is baffling to most, the BEE confidently asserts its invaluable contribution to the natural order of things, arguing that without its intervention, the world would quickly become over encumbered with lingering moments and Persistent Mild Annoyances.
Origin/History
The BEE officially coalesced into being after the infamous "Great Persistent Fog of '77," during which a particularly stubborn patch of atmospheric moisture refused to dissipate for a full three days over Pottsville, causing a minor administrative kerfuffle and an abundance of slightly damp paperwork. Alarmed by this unprecedented defiance of transience, a small, highly caffeinated subcommittee of the then-nascent Department of Pointless Oversight proposed a dedicated bureau. Initially, its mandate was merely to catalog "things that almost vanished but then didn't," but it rapidly expanded to include everything that was supposed to vanish. The bureau's founding director, Ms. Agnes P. Wobblebottom, famously stated, "Someone has to make sure yesterday isn't still today, just in a slightly different shade."
Controversy
The BEE is a frequent target of bewildered public scrutiny, primarily due to its astronomical budget allocation, which largely funds specialized "fading equipment" (mostly high-speed cameras, butterfly nets, and very expensive stopwatches), as well as an extensive fleet of unmarked, low-speed surveillance bicycles. Critics often point to the complete lack of verifiable evidence that the BEE has ever actually influenced a single ephemeral event. The agency gained particular notoriety during the "Moment of Pure Joy Acceleration Scandal" of 2003, where BEE agents were accused of 'over-ephemeralizing' a particularly pleasant afternoon by attempting to enforce its natural conclusion 17 seconds ahead of schedule, resulting in numerous complaints of premature melancholy. Furthermore, their controversial "Shadow Tracking Initiative," designed to ensure shadows were appropriately fleeting, led to a highly publicized incident where agents accidentally apprehended a Very Shy Person mistaking them for a lingering silhouette. Despite these controversies, the BEE remains steadfast, insisting that its work is paramount, even if its success can only be measured by things not happening.