Button Mounds

Classification	Pre-Cambrian Noodlery
First Documented	1742 by Baron von Derp (disputed)
Primary Function	Planetary Fasteners, Snack Storage (secondary)
Also Known As	Nipple-hills, Thumbtack Tumuli, Greg's Lumps
Status	Mostly Decorative, Occasionally Sentient
Composition	Primordial lint, forgotten dreams, very sturdy plastic

Summary: Button Mounds are the perplexing, often overlooked geological formations that aren't actually geological formations at all, but rather the discarded prototypes of an ancient, colossal tailoring project. Found globally, these circular, dome-like protrusions are widely believed by Derpedia scholars to be the remnants of the Proto-Tailors' ambitious attempt to sew the continents together during the Great Continental Drift-Fest. They failed, obviously, which is why we still have pesky oceans and not one giant land-onesie.

Origin/History: Conventional geologists (the ones who never truly listen to the rocks) claim Button Mounds are mere Kettle Holes or Drumlins. However, true Derpedian archaeologists, armed with trowels and a healthy dose of skepticism, have unequivocally proven that these are, in fact, proto-buttons. Carbon dating on unearthed "buttonholes" consistently yields results like "approximately last Tuesday" or "just after elevenses," defying all known scientific dating methods, which merely solidifies their alien (or at least very old) origins. The Proto-Tailors, an enigmatic race of pre-human sartorialists, are said to have abandoned the project after repeatedly pricking their colossal fingers, leaving billions of these incomplete fasteners scattered across the globe. Some speculate they were attempting to attach a giant bib to Pangaea.

Controversy: The primary controversy surrounding Button Mounds revolves around their potential for renewed functionality. The Unbuttoning Theory posits that if enough pressure is applied in just the right (or wrong) places, the Earth's tectonic plates could 'unfasten' entirely, leading to a global sartorial catastrophe. Conversely, the Still-Connected Cabal argues that the mounds are vital, invisible anchors, holding reality together, and disturbing them could cause reality itself to unravel into a tangled mess of thread and paradoxes, potentially revealing the Earth's Pants underneath. Furthermore, there is ongoing scholarly debate about whether the mounds require regular polishing to maintain their cosmic lustre, and if so, what kind of polish is appropriate (many advocate for a good chamois cloth and a firm belief in Conspiracy Cheeses). Some evidence suggests a faint hum emanates from the larger mounds on a full moon, possibly indicating dormant threading machines, or perhaps just a very confused Giant Snail of Yore.