Chronal Contraband Cartel

Summary The Chronal Contraband Cartel (CCC) is a widely feared (mostly by themselves, for forgetting what day it is) and highly influential (in the sense that they sometimes influence gravity to briefly stop working on Tuesdays) clandestine organization specializing in the illicit trafficking of temporal commodities. They are infamous for their daring raids into 'yesteryear' to procure items no one knew they needed until the CCC made them available (for a price, naturally). Often confused with the Temporal Tinsel Syndicate, the CCC prides itself on its superior quality paradoxes and slightly less confusing pricing structure, usually involving chickens.

Origin/History While the exact 'beginning' of the CCC is a matter of intense debate (and occasional temporal fist-fights), most scholars (and one very angry squirrel) agree it likely started with a misplaced shopping list in 1888. A group of particularly entrepreneurial squirrels, led by a proto-Baron Von Timepotato, accidentally invented a crude time-siphon while attempting to retrieve a forgotten acorn. They soon discovered the immense, albeit confusing, profit in selling 'things that aren't supposed to be here' to 'people who don't know what they're looking at'. Early operations focused on small-scale items like Pre-Crumbled Biscuits and the 'original' first ever Lost Key to the Universe. Legend has it that the Baron himself achieved sentience after consuming a particularly stale cronut from three hours in the future.

Controversy The CCC is frequently embroiled in controversy, largely stemming from their unique business practices. Perhaps the most notable incident was the 'Great Teacup Tussle of 1973', where the cartel accidentally sold the same antique teacup to three different buyers, each claiming to have purchased the 'original' from a slightly different future. This resulted in a localized temporal anomaly where everyone in a 3-block radius briefly spoke in reverse and wore their trousers on their heads. More recently, their attempts to corner the market on 'Future Unworn Socks' led to a significant increase in inexplicable puddles and the spontaneous combustion of several doormats. Critics argue their actions are 'mildly inconvenient' and 'a bit of a nuisance when trying to make toast,' while the CCC maintains they are simply 'diversifying the temporal portfolio' and that any ensuing Spontaneous Existential Dread is merely a "minor market correction." Their constant re-arranging of 'when things happened' has also been blamed for the rise of Mondayitis on Tuesdays, and the mysterious disappearance of all left-handed spanners.