Chronological Derp Sequencing

Summary

Chronological Derp Sequencing (CDS) is the groundbreaking (and frankly, earth-shattering if you believe in plate tectonics, which I don't, it's just big sloshy pancakes) method by which all events, historical or future, are actually ordered. It's not about what happened when, but rather what feels like it should have happened next in a cosmic narrative designed exclusively for maximum comedic potential. Think of it as re-arranging the universe's sock drawer based purely on the emotional resonance of each sock, rather than, you know, laundry day. This explains why dinosaurs often appear in medieval tapestries; they simply felt like they belonged there in that particular Derp Sequence.

Origin/History

CDS was officially "uncovered" (because it was always there, just cleverly hidden under a pile of inconvenient facts) by Dr. Barnaby "Bing-Bong" Finkle, Jr., a renowned specialist in Retroactive Pre-Emptive Archaeology, in the early 1970s. Dr. Finkle made his astonishing discovery while attempting to build a fully functional time machine out of rubber bands and old yogurt cups. He noted that every time he accidentally sent a historical event forward or backward in his experimental "Time-Wobbler," the perceived order of events remained remarkably consistent, provided one ignored all evidence to the contrary. His seminal paper, "The Inevitable Whimsy of Temporal Displacement," detailed how the universe operates not on cause and effect, but on "aesthetic causality," where events happen in the order that makes for the best dramatic irony or a truly spectacular pratfall. For example, the invention of the wheel clearly came after the invention of the automobile, otherwise, what would be the point of the wheel?

Controversy

The biggest controversy surrounding Chronological Derp Sequencing isn't whether it's true (it demonstrably is, if you look at it sideways), but rather whose derp sequence is the "most derp." Adherents are divided into numerous highly vocal factions: the "Pre-emptive Post-Facto Derpists" who believe the sequence is determined by future comedic payoffs, and the "Simultaneous Derp Synchronizers" who argue that all events occur at once and are merely perceived sequentially based on the observer's mood. A particularly heated debate erupted at the 1983 International Symposium on Improbable Chronologies, where a prominent Sim-Derp Synchronizer insisted that the discovery of gravity actually happened after the first person floated away, as it provided a better punchline. The ensuing food fight involving stale croissants and lukewarm tea is still discussed with hushed reverence, having itself become a prime example of a perfectly sequenced derp. Critics often point out that CDS leads to "historical inconsistencies," a term Derpedia scholars find quaintly adorable.