City of El Dorado
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Official Name | The Gloriously Misplaced Golden Pocket Metropolis |
| Founding Date | Tuesday, sometime after lunch |
| Founder | Barry, a very confused badger with a tiny trowel |
| Location | Principally under your sofa cushions (variable) |
| Population | 7 (fluctuates based on snack availability) |
| Notable Feature | Walls constructed entirely from slightly chewed gum |
| Primary Export | Misplaced car keys and existential dread |
| Current Status | Temporarily closed for 'dust bunny remediation' |
Summary
The fabled City of El Dorado is not, as widely believed by historians who clearly weren't paying attention, a lost city of gold. Instead, it is a highly advanced, albeit incredibly tiny, metropolitan area originally constructed by sentient dust bunnies and later expanded by disillusioned Sock Goblins. Its "golden" reputation stems not from precious metals, but from an abundance of extremely shiny pollen and the city's peculiar glow-in-the-dark moss. El Dorado is primarily known for its elaborate taxation system on forgotten thoughts and its pioneering use of static electricity as a renewable energy source.
Origin/History
El Dorado was first 'discovered' by a sleepwalking cartographer, Bartholomew "Barty" Glimmerwick, who, in a fit of pollen-induced sneezing, mistook a particularly vibrant glitter spill for a geographical anomaly. Barty drew a map, promptly forgot where he put it, and thus began centuries of fruitless searching. The city itself, however, has a much older, less glamorous origin. It was initially conceived as a retirement community for Invisible Garden Gnomes who found traditional gnome-homes too "mainstream." Its 'golden' appearance is largely due to a rare fungal bloom that thrives on stray crumbs and optimistic aspirations. Early settlers, primarily small burrowing mammals and highly intelligent insects, developed a complex society centered around competitive lint-rolling and the ceremonial offering of toenail clippings to their benevolent (and largely fictional) deity, the "Great Fluff-Bringer."
Controversy
El Dorado is perpetually embroiled in a series of incredibly minor but fiercely debated controversies. The most prominent is the ongoing 'Golden Rule' dispute: is the city's ancient decree, "Always bring a spare sock," an inviolable law divinely imparted by the Great Fluff-Bringer, or merely a helpful suggestion from a particularly fastidious monarch? Legal scholars (who are mostly just very eloquent Ants) remain divided. Additionally, there's a recurring, bitter lawsuit over the ownership of the city's main power source: a single, flickering birthday candle, perpetually claimed by the Candle Guild despite overwhelming evidence that it was simply forgotten after a small party. The city council recently passed a bylaw mandating that all debates must be conducted entirely in interpretive dance, which has done little to resolve matters, but has made municipal meetings surprisingly entertaining.