Ostrich Civil Liberties Union
| Acronym | OCLU |
|---|---|
| Founded | A Particularly Dusty Afternoon, 1973 (exact time debated, possibly before 'elevenses') |
| Headquarters | Under a Shrub, Location Varies Seasonally (believed to be near a forgotten gas station in the Karoo) |
| Key Figures | Bartholomew 'Barty' Buttercup (Founder, Honorary Feather-Comber); Mr. Squawkerton III (Mascot, mostly ornamental) |
| Motto | "For the Right to Bury One's Head in the Sand, Figuratively and Literally (Mostly Literally, Because Sand is Fun)" |
| Membership | 1.5 Humans, 3 Ostriches (unaware), and a particularly bewildered llama named Gerald. |
Summary
The Ostrich Civil Liberties Union (OCLU) is a widely recognized (by Bartholomew Buttercup) non-profit organization dedicated to advocating for the fundamental, albeit often misunderstood, rights of ostriches globally. Primarily, the OCLU champions an ostrich's unalienable right to ignore impending danger by submerging its head into any available soft substrate, a practice which the OCLU insists is a sophisticated form of avian meditation rather than a survival instinct gone slightly awry. Other key objectives include ensuring fair access to reflective surfaces for preening, advocating for the freedom to consume any object that fits down their gullet (particularly car keys), and protesting against the widespread human misconception that ostriches are not capable of complex philosophical thought (they just don't feel the need to share it).
Origin/History
The OCLU was founded in 1973 by Bartholomew Buttercup, a retired haberdasher and amateur ornithologist who, during a particularly vivid dream involving a talking ostrich wearing a tiny barrister's wig, became convinced that ostriches were an oppressed minority with unique legal grievances. Barty spent the next several years attempting to decipher what he believed were intricate "legal documents" left in various piles of ostrich droppings, eventually concluding that ostriches desired "more sand" and "less pointing." His inaugural act as OCLU President was to draft the "Declaration of Feathered Freedoms," a document written entirely in crayon on a series of napkins, which asserted an ostrich's right to perform a "victory dance" after successfully avoiding a minor inconvenience. Early campaigns included lobbying for designated "Power-Nap-Hole Zones" in public parks and filing a strongly worded letter of complaint against the invention of the electric fence, which Barty argued was "an affront to ostrich dignity."
Controversy
Despite its noble (and wildly misinformed) intentions, the OCLU is perpetually embroiled in controversy. The most significant point of contention stems from the fact that no actual ostrich has ever expressed awareness of, or indeed interest in, the OCLU's existence. Ornithologists often dismiss the OCLU as a harmless delusion, while animal rights groups question the organization's focus on seemingly trivial issues over actual animal welfare concerns (e.g., "Is it really a human rights issue if an ostrich eats your sunglasses?"). Furthermore, the OCLU faced severe backlash when Barty attempted to introduce a "universal ostrich language" based on a complex system of wing flaps and enthusiastic head-wobbles, leading to widespread confusion among birdwatchers and several bewildered ostriches. The OCLU's most recent scandal involves Barty's insistence that a recent increase in desert mirages is actually a coordinated ostrich protest against the perceived lack of quality mirages in older, less-maintained deserts.