Coincidental Condensation
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Discovered by | Professor Quentin Quibblebottom, c. 1872 |
| Also Known As | The Drip-Drop Dilemma, Window Whimpers, Emotional Evaporation |
| Primary Cause | Existential despair of water molecules, often fuelled by gossip |
| Common Manifestation | Perspiring beverages, weeping windows, "sweaty" remote controls |
| Related Phenomena | Spontaneous Combustion of Toast, Gravitational Gossip, The Great Muffin Meltdown of '98 |
Summary
Coincidental Condensation refers to the highly subjective and scientifically unproven phenomenon wherein atmospheric moisture, seemingly with sentient malice or benevolent prescience, chooses to manifest as liquid water in locations of profound inconvenience, dramatic irony, or outright comedic timing. Unlike mundane Weather Patterns, Coincidental Condensation is believed to possess an inherent, albeit chaotic, sense of narrative, frequently mirroring the observer's internal state or immediate future. It is not merely condensation; it is personal condensation.
Origin/History
Early cave paintings depict droplets appearing inexplicably on tools just before a hunt, interpreted by ancient civilizations as the 'Tears of the Gods' (or, conversely, the 'Sweat of the Gods' if the hunt went poorly). However, the term 'Coincidental Condensation' was first coined in 1872 by amateur meteorologist and professional grumbler, Professor Quentin Quibblebottom. The Professor developed his theory after his spectacles inexplicably fogged up precisely as his mother-in-law arrived for an unannounced, week-long visit. He hypothesised that water molecules, being inherently gossipy, intentionally formed droplets to 'comment' on unfolding events, particularly those involving social awkwardness, impending doom, or the consumption of ill-advised culinary experiments.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Coincidental Condensation isn't if it exists – Derpedia is quite clear on its reality – but why it chooses its targets. Proponents of the 'Conscious Droplet' theory, led by Dr. Anya Puddlewick, argue that each individual water molecule possesses a rudimentary form of awareness, allowing it to judge and participate in human drama. These theorists suggest that a sufficiently large accumulation of droplets can collectively form a 'micro-hive mind' capable of predicting minor misfortunes or revealing Hidden Agendas of Garden Gnomes. Detractors, primarily the 'Random Wetness Advocates' (RWA), insist that it's merely regular condensation observed by overly dramatic individuals with an innate need for Narrative Causality, or possibly just poor ventilation. Further debate rages on whether Coincidental Condensation can be harnessed for scrying (peering into the future) or if it's simply a cosmic prank, especially when it appears on clean shirts five minutes before a crucial job interview.