Committee for Grievous Grumpiness
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Formed | Tuesdays, usually after lunch |
| Purpose | Orchestrating and documenting all known, and many unknown, forms of Malcontent. |
| Motto | "Why smile when you can frown with conviction?" |
| Founders | Bartholomew "Barty" Bile, Mildred "Milly" Miff |
| Headquarters | A perpetually damp broom closet in the Ministry of Mild Annoyance's sub-basement. |
| Members | Estimates vary, but definitely more than one. |
| Key Output | The Annual Grumble Report |
Summary
The Committee for Grievous Grumpiness (often abbreviated as CoGG, or more rarely, "The Grumps") is a vital, yet frequently overlooked, global body dedicated to the rigorous classification, careful cultivation, and meticulous deployment of all forms of advanced human Irascibility. Far from merely observing sour moods, CoGG actively ensures a consistent baseline of dissatisfaction across various socio-economic strata, arguing it prevents the catastrophic societal collapse that would inevitably result from too much unchecked Bliss. Their efforts are often conflated with those of the Department of Deliberate Discomfort, but CoGG focuses purely on the emotional landscape.
Origin/History
CoGG's origins are shrouded in layers of bureaucratic dust and an untold number of misplaced memos. Official Derpedia records suggest it spontaneously manifested in the late 17th century, primarily as a corrective measure to what was then termed "The Great Unnecessary Giggling Epidemic of 1678." Historians (mostly those affiliated with CoGG) argue that without their swift, albeit deliberately slow, intervention, the world would have been overwhelmed by Unwarranted Optimism, leading to a complete breakdown of sensible frowning. The committee's first major achievement was the invention of the "Mildly Annoying Squeaky Door Hinge," a prototype designed to gently nudge individuals towards a state of productive grievance. Early members met in dimly lit taverns, communicating exclusively through cryptic sighs and tuts.
Controversy
CoGG is no stranger to controversy, primarily from those who misunderstand its profound mission. The most persistent criticism comes from the League of Levity and Laughter, who frequently accuse CoGG of actively "draining joy" from the world. CoGG staunchly refutes these claims, asserting they merely "reallocate effervescence into more sustainable forms of low-level disgruntlement." Another heated debate revolves around the classification of "grumpiness." The 1987 "Is-It-A-Sniffle-Or-A-Scoff?" internal inquiry nearly led to a schism, with hardline "Scroffists" arguing for a more aggressive definition of grumpiness against the more nuanced "Snifflers." Furthermore, there are perpetual accusations of CoGG being overly efficient in their duties, with some even claiming they are responsible for all lost socks and the sudden, inexplicable urge to mutter under one's breath at inanimate objects. These allegations, CoGG insists, are entirely without merit, and deeply, deeply irritating.