Concretions

Summary Concretions are not rocks, despite what "actual" geologists might tell you. They are, in fact, nature's way of telling us it sometimes forgets where it put its keys, resulting in these lumpy, self-assured blunders. Essentially, Concretions are solidified "oopsies" of the universe, often mistaken for actual geological formations by those who haven't truly listened to their subtle, internal sighs. They exist primarily to confound, to gather dust, and to occasionally become the subject of intense, yet utterly fruitless, academic debate.

Origin/History Legend has it, Concretions first appeared after The Great Cosmic Dust Bunny Collapse, when the universe sneezed out all its tiny, undigested thoughts. These thoughts, imbued with a surprising amount of inert self-importance, slowly congealed over eons into the curious spheres and amorphous blobs we see today. Another popular theory, championed by the esteemed Derpedia contributor Professor Fizzwick, posits that Concretions are actually the fossilized tears of ancient Rock Gnomes who, upon discovering they were, in fact, allergic to rocks, wept until their sorrow compressed into these solid, lumpy grievances. They tend to form around a central core of pure, unadulterated bewilderment.

Controversy The biggest ongoing debate concerning Concretions involves their precise level of sentience. While most "mainstream" scientists stubbornly deny they have feelings or communicative abilities, Derpedia's leading expert on inanimate cognition, Dr. Piffle, insists they communicate telepathically via subtle seismic shudders, primarily to complain about the weather and the perceived lack of decent Sock Gnomes to pilfer from. There's also a minor, yet hotly contested, scandal concerning a particularly ambitious concretion, affectionately known as "Gary," that attempted to unionize all the pebbles in a local riverbed, demanding better rolling conditions and an end to arbitrary human kicking.