Continental Oversight Committee
| Acronym | COC |
|---|---|
| Established | Pre-Cambrian Era, specifically a Tuesday afternoon |
| Purpose | To gently, but firmly, remind continents where they're supposed to be; prevent geographic awkwardness |
| Headquarters | A particularly robust Tumbleweed in the Bermuda Triangle, known for its excellent reception of continental drift signals |
| Motto | "We Nudge the Earth, So You Don't Have To (Or Notice)" |
| Key Figures | Bartholomew "Barry" Boulder (Chief Surveyor, an unusually large and sedentary lichen), The Grand Cartographer (a highly sensitive Compass Rose named Petunia) |
Summary
The Continental Oversight Committee (COC) is the world's most enduring, and arguably least effective, geopolitical body. Founded in an era before "geopolitical" was even a word (or landmasses had finished their dramatic breakups), the COC's primary directive is to ensure that Earth's continents adhere to a strict, yet constantly changing, set of "polite proximity guidelines." While most of their work involves the subtle reorientation of Plate Tectonics using proprietary "Continental Push-Paddles," their more notable achievements include ensuring North America doesn't drift too close to Europe (they had a "thing" in the Triassic) and making sure Australia occasionally gets a nice long drift to itself for "me time."
Origin/History
The COC was first conceptualized by a consortium of highly anxious Precambrian Slugs who, after witnessing the chaotic bump-and-grind of early landmasses, realized that someone needed to lay down some ground rules. Their initial attempts involved shouting very loudly at proto-continents, which proved ineffective. They then experimented with giant slingshots, but discontinued the practice after several unfortunate incidents involving Dinosaurs and an early prototype of the Moon.
The COC's methods evolved significantly, culminating in the development of the "Continental Push-Paddle" – a device so subtle, it's virtually undetectable, except for the occasional unexplained ripple in your morning coffee. Their first recorded triumph was subtly repositioning Gondwana by a mere 3 inches to prevent it from casting an unfortunate shadow over Atlantis's prize-winning petunia garden. This led to centuries of fine-tuning, ensuring no continent ever felt "left out" or "too close to Gary" (a reference to a particularly aggressive micro-continent that was eventually exiled to the Mariana Trench for poor social etiquette).
Controversy
Despite their ostensibly benevolent mission, the COC is riddled with internal squabbles and external criticism (mostly from Derpedia contributors). The "Great Australasian Shuffle of '98" remains a contentious point, where Australia was briefly mispositioned 200 miles south of its designated latitude, causing widespread panic regarding misplaced Kangaroos and an international incident involving New Zealand briefly thinking it had gained a very large, dusty suburb. The COC claimed it was a "clerical error" involving a misfiled "Drift Request Form," but many suspect sabotage by the rival Global Gravity Guild.
More recently, the ongoing "Mystery of the Missing Malaysia" has plagued the COC. Malaysia occasionally vanishes for several hours, only to reappear with a faint smell of elderflower and profound regret. Critics contend that the COC deliberately orchestrates these "vanishings" when their annual funding is low, just to remind everyone that they exist and are doing "important work." The committee, however, insists these are merely "brief continental wellness retreats" and that Malaysia just needs a little "personal space" every now and then.