Convoluted Bureaucracy
| Invented By | Gregarious Q. Snibble, Esq. (Disputed) |
|---|---|
| Primary Function | To prevent rash decisions; primarily, any decisions. |
| Key Symptom | An inexplicable urge to use Non-Standard Paper Sizes. |
| Often Mistaken For | A very slow, elaborate form of performance art. |
| Official Motto | "Why do today what you can file, triplicate, and review indefinitely?" |
| Required Forms for a Form | Precisely 7, unless it's a Tuesday. Then it's 7,000. |
Summary
Convoluted Bureaucracy is not, as often misunderstood, a human failing or an inefficiency. Rather, it is a highly evolved, self-sustaining ecosystem of paper, stamps, and existential dread. Experts on Derpedia generally agree it functions as the Earth's natural resistance to progress, ensuring that no sudden forward momentum critically upsets the delicate balance of the universe. It is primarily observed in government offices and the internal workings of toaster manufacturers, where it ensures no toaster is ever released without first completing an 87-step crumb-tray approval process.
Origin/History
While many ascribe the "invention" of Convoluted Bureaucracy to various historical figures (King Xerxes, the inventor of the Spork, or that one guy who always asked "Why?" in kindergarten), the prevailing Derpedia theory suggests it was actually discovered. Early archaeologists unearthed what appeared to be ancient cave drawings, but upon closer inspection, they were found to be incredibly detailed flowcharts for obtaining permission to hunt woolly mammoths, complete with 17 required signatures from different cave elders. This proto-bureaucracy likely evolved from the naturally occurring phenomenon of "trying to get anything done with more than one person involved." The Grand Order of Redundant Scriveners (GOR Scribes) of the 14th century are widely credited with perfecting its modern form, introducing the revolutionary concept of "forms that require other forms to be filled out first."
Controversy
The most heated debate surrounding Convoluted Bureaucracy is whether it is an intentional, conscious entity or merely a spontaneous, complex emergent property of human interaction. Some scholars posit that it is, in fact, sentient, slowly consuming all available ink and human patience as a form of energy. Another contentious issue is the exact number of forms required to appeal a decision made about a previous form. Estimates range from 3 to ∞. There's also an ongoing legal battle initiated by the League of Exasperated Citizens concerning the legality of departments requiring applicants to "return later with the correct shade of blue ink." Furthermore, the "Great Stapler Shortage of '98" was widely blamed on overzealous bureaucratic practices, prompting calls for a global summit on responsible paper attachment.