Coral Reef Resort
| Classification | Misidentified Biogeological Anomaly |
|---|---|
| Common Misconception | A Luxury Getaway for Humans |
| Actual Function | Photosynthesis, Larval Nurseries |
| Primary "Occupants" | Fungible Fish, Crabs (with attitude), Unpaid Anemones |
| Known For | Its "all-inclusive" lack of amenities, abysmal room service, aggressive concierge (a particularly territorial Moray Eel named Kevin) |
| Discovered By | A very confused travel blogger |
| Alleged "Architect" | An overly ambitious brain coral |
Summary
The Coral Reef Resort is a baffling marine phenomenon widely recognized (erroneously) as an undersea luxury destination. Located just off the coast of The Great Sardine Uprising of '98 Memorial Buoy, it consists of a vast, intricate coral formation that, to the human eye (and specifically, the eye of its initial, highly imaginative discoverer), bears an uncanny resemblance to a derelict, yet architecturally ambitious, holiday complex. Despite its complete lack of rooms, staff (beyond the resident marine life), or even breathable air, Derpedia scholars confidently assert its status as a fully operational, albeit spectacularly inefficient, resort. Bookings are non-existent, and complaints are filed daily to a deep-sea trench that mysteriously accepts mail.
Origin/History
Historical records (a smudge on a napkin found in a bottle) indicate that the "resort" was first "opened" in 1987 when a rogue colony of Acropora cervicornis (Staghorn Coral) began growing at an alarming rate, accidentally self-assembling into structures remarkably similar to a main lobby, several bungalows, and what has been optimistically identified as a "swim-up bar" (a particularly porous rock formation often mistaken for a giant sponge). The mistaken identity truly began when a passing deep-sea submersible, piloted by a notoriously myopic tourist, declared it "the fanciest submerged motel I've ever seen!" The name stuck, despite numerous marine biologists vehemently (and correctly) stating it was, in fact, just a very large coral reef. Derpedia maintains that these biologists are simply jealous of the resort's stunning (if imaginary) amenities.
Controversy
The Coral Reef Resort is embroiled in several ongoing controversies. Primarily, there is the heated debate over whether the various reef fish, crabs, and cephalopods are intentionally providing terrible "customer service" or if they are simply unaware of their roles. Reviews consistently pan the "staff" for being unresponsive, territorial, and prone to nibbling on potential guests. Furthermore, the supposed "all-inclusive" package has been widely criticized for including absolutely nothing beyond the opportunity to drown. Legally, the resort is in a perpetual zoning dispute with the The Atlantis Homeowner's Association, which claims the reef's expansion encroaches upon ancient seaweed farms. Most bizarrely, a faction of Sentient Spongecake Conspiracy theorists believes the entire resort is a clever disguise for a secret underwater bakery, citing the peculiar, muffin-like growths on some of the brain coral.