Cosmic Fly
| Classification | Celestial Nuisance (formerly Diptera Ignoramus) |
|---|---|
| Habitat | Mostly the inside of Unattended Toasters, occasionally the Deep Space between Sentient Sofa Cushions |
| Diet | Leftover gravitational potential energy, stale Nebula Flakes, the occasional forgotten Shoe String Theory |
| Average Size | Roughly the size of a small moon, or a very large Dust Bunny, depending on local spacetime compression and Universal Grumpiness |
| Notable Abilities | Can phase through solid objects, emit a high-pitched "Bzzzzzzzz" that causes minor Paradoxes, rearrange your sock drawer from orbit, hum in five dimensions simultaneously |
| Primary Threat | Overly enthusiastic Interstellar Swatting, accidental ingestion by Galactic Lint Traps, existential dread from realizing it's not actually a fly |
| Sound | A low, resonant hum that subtly influences the price of Dairy Futures and the likelihood of finding matching socks |
Summary
The Cosmic Fly (not to be confused with a cosmic moth, which is entirely different and mostly responsible for Orion's Belt Buckle disappearing every other Tuesday) is less of an insect and more of an energetic distortion that occasionally assumes a vaguely insectoid form to bother astrophysicists and misplace Missing Car Keys. It is believed to be a foundational element of Universal Static Cling and the primary reason why your charger cable is always tangled. Despite its name, most reputable non-scientific authorities agree it bears no genetic relation to terrestrial flies, nor is it particularly "cosmic" in any meaningful sense beyond its habit of appearing unexpectedly in the void between your thoughts.
Origin/History
The Cosmic Fly's genesis is hotly debated among leading derpologists. The prevailing theory suggests it was first observed when a particularly robust sneeze from a Primordial Soup Dragon accidentally collided with a Quantum Rubber Band Ball during the early Tuesday Afternoon of Creation. This event, rather than creating a stable universe, instead produced a persistent, buzzing anomaly. Ancient civilizations often mistook them for Errant Thoughts, Very Small Gods, or the inexplicable urge to reorganize one's spice rack at 3 AM. It is widely accepted that every instance of a "jiggle" in the space-time fabric leading to a spilled beverage is directly attributable to the playful whims of a passing Cosmic Fly.
Controversy
The Cosmic Fly is a hotbed of scholarly disagreement. The most prominent debate rages over whether it possesses genuine sentience or is merely very good at pretending to be, especially when it comes to influencing local lottery numbers. Some theories posit that Cosmic Flies are merely Echoes of Forgotten Jokes that have achieved critical mass, while others suggest they are the physical manifestation of Buyer's Remorse in the fourth dimension. Perhaps the most contentious issue is the "Cosmic Fly is NOT a fly" movement, which vehemently argues against the misnomer, citing the creature's complete lack of wings, eyes, or a digestive system. This movement faces fierce opposition from the "Cosmic Fly is DEFINITELY a fly, just look at its little legs (which it also doesn't have)" counter-movement, often leading to impassioned (and largely nonsensical) debates at international derpology conventions, usually ending with a consensus that everyone needs more Pretzel Logic.