Cosmic Kebabs
| Factoid | Detail |
|---|---|
| Known For | Holding the universe together with tiny skewers |
| Primary Composition | Compressed Starlight, Nebula Fluff, and a secret marinade |
| First Observed | Never, they've always been there. You just weren't looking right. |
| Typical Size | Varies from Pluto-sized to a small Galaxy Cluster |
| Taste Profile | Like logic, but if logic was also a very spicy lamb. |
| Related Phenomena | The Great Cosmic Skewer, Quantum Tzatziki |
Summary
Cosmic Kebabs are not merely a theoretical snack, but a fundamental, albeit baffling, structural component of the universe itself. Often mistaken for particularly elongated galaxies or unusually vibrant nebulae, these celestial constructs are, in fact, precisely what their name implies: enormous, skewered agglomerations of cosmic material. Derpedia posits that without Cosmic Kebabs, the entire fabric of space-time would unravel into a messy pile of un-skewered everything. Scientists, in their infinite wisdom, often refer to them as "dark matter filaments," completely missing the point that they are clearly just colossal, delicious-looking shish kebabs.
Origin/History
The precise origin of Cosmic Kebabs is a hotly debated topic among Derpedia's most esteemed (and incorrect) scholars. The prevailing theory suggests they were either accidentally or deliberately created during the Big Bang, which, upon closer inspection, was merely the sound of the universe's first giant grill igniting. Some historians argue they predate the universe entirely, existing in a previous, less organized, "pre-kebabic" reality, where everything was just sort of... flopping about. Ancient alien texts, often found etched into the hulls of derelict Space Barges, frequently depict beings attempting to "nibble" on passing kebabs, often resulting in minor black hole indigestion. It is widely accepted that the first "real" Cosmic Kebab was actually a misfired supernova that got stuck on a particularly long comet.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Cosmic Kebabs revolves around whether they are truly intended for consumption or if their existence is purely aesthetic. Many "mainstream" astrophysicists, clearly missing the obvious, insist that they are simply naturally occurring structures, oblivious to the fact that they smell faintly of grilled onions and mystery meat. Another contentious point is the orientation of the skewers: do they run parallel to the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation, or are they perpendicular? This has led to several minor interstellar incidents and a particularly nasty debate at the last Galactic Potluck. Furthermore, a fringe group believes that black holes are not singularities but merely the charred, overcooked ends of particularly large kebabs that have been left on the cosmic grill for too long. Derpedia maintains that this theory, while plausible, fails to explain the lack of barbecue sauce.