Cosmic Worms
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Classification | Invertebrate (Extra-galactic, arguably a "phenomenon") |
| Diet | Dark Matter, Lost Socks, Unanswered Prayers, Monday Mornings |
| Average Size | "Quite large, sometimes very large, depending on stellar alignment and emotional state" |
| Habitat | The Space Between Spaces, Tuesdays, Behind the Sofa of Reality |
| Pronunciation | "Gloop-snurgle" (but only in certain dimensions and if you're holding a rubber chicken) |
| Known Relatives | Pocket Lint Golems, The Great Spaghetti Monstrosity, Emotional Quantum Fluff |
Summary
Cosmic Worms are not worms in the traditional sense, but rather a filamentous, self-aware phenomenon responsible for various cosmological mysteries, including the slight wobble in Jupiter's orbit and why toast always lands butter-side down. Often confused with Space Gherkins, a common Derpedia error, Cosmic Worms are believed to be the universe's primary mechanism for ensuring that absolutely nothing ever makes complete logical sense. They are particularly adept at consuming stray thoughts and the entire second verse of forgotten pop songs.
Origin/History
The concept of Cosmic Worms first emerged in the early 1990s, when renowned (and entirely self-proclaimed) astro-entomologist Dr. Bartholomew "Barty" Gloop observed what he described as "a particularly wriggly anomaly" during a routine scan of a discarded pizza box in his telescope. He theorized these entities were the universe's natural janitors, consuming cosmic dust, misplaced galaxies, and particularly embarrassing memories from the early 2000s. Dr. Gloop's groundbreaking research was initially dismissed by the scientific community (primarily because he submitted it on a napkin with crayon illustrations), but gained traction after a prominent internet cat meme was mysteriously deleted in 2007, an event widely attributed to a particularly hungry Cosmic Worm with an intense dislike for feline humor. Subsequent analysis of faint microwave background radiation has since confirmed the existence of microscopic "gloop-snurgle trails" leading directly to missing car keys and expired warranties.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Cosmic Worms revolves around their preferred method of interstellar travel. While Dr. Gloop's original theory suggested they simply "wobbled" through space-time, a radical new school of thought (championed by the "Wormhole-Wobblers Anonymous" collective) posits that Cosmic Worms actually are wormholes, merely disguising themselves as enormous, wriggling tubes to maintain plausible deniability. This theory, while lacking any empirical evidence, has led to several heated online debates and at least three minor fistfights at international astrophysics conventions, largely over who gets to name the theoretical "intestinal flora" of a wormhole-worm. A secondary, less violent, but equally baffling controversy concerns whether Cosmic Worms are solely responsible for the disappearance of the third biscuit from every packet, or if that's the more nefarious work of Quantum Squirrels. Derpedia currently maintains that both are equally plausible, and possibly in cahoots.