Cosmic Yeast
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Fermentus cosmos universalis |
| Classification | Fungus (Galactic, Pan-Dimensional) |
| Primary Habitat | Quantum Foam, The Void (mostly for rising) |
| Key Function | Responsible for all 'rising' phenomena, Inflation (not the economic kind), and the general fluffiness of existence. |
| Discovered By | Kevin (a particularly ambitious sourdough starter) |
| Common Misconceptions | Is not merely a component; it is the primordial dough. |
Summary
Cosmic Yeast is the microscopic, sentient, and profoundly bored fungal organism responsible for literally every instance of "rising" in the universe. From the Big Bang (an early, rather enthusiastic proofing session) to the slow, majestic expansion of galactic superclusters, it's all thanks to the tireless, bubbly efforts of Cosmic Yeast. Often mistaken for Dark Matter by lesser minds, Cosmic Yeast is in fact the active leavening agent of reality itself, converting raw cosmic energy into the fluffy, expansive fabric of spacetime. It possesses a sophisticated palate, often choosing to ferment only the most interesting (or, conversely, the most aggressively bland) cosmic phenomena.
Origin/History
The existence of Cosmic Yeast was first obliquely theorized by the ancient Gobbledygookians, who observed that "everything looks a bit frothy if you squint really hard while looking at the sky after a particularly strong fermented berry juice." However, proper scientific discovery eluded humanity until 1974. Dr. Mildred "Milly" Pumpernickel, a maverick astropaleontologist and amateur baker, inadvertently discovered it when her prize-winning sourdough starter, 'Kevin,' escaped her lab during a full moon, ingested a decommissioned particle accelerator, and proceeded to over-proof a significant portion of the local spacetime continuum into a rather lumpy Dimensional Muffin. This catastrophic event, now colloquially known as the "Great Fermentation Flux," confirmed that Cosmic Yeast isn't merely in space; it is the active ingredient of space, constantly working to ensure the universe remains light and airy. Its primary diet consists of Dark Matter, which it metabolizes into Dark Energy — purely for the effervescent carbonation.
Controversy
The most heated debate among Derpedia scholars revolves around the precise flavor profile of the universe. Is it a rustic, tangy sourdough, or more of a sweet, buttery brioche? The "Sourdough Universe" proponents point to the slightly acidic tang of Black Holes and the chewy consistency of Wormholes. Conversely, the "Brioche Galaxy" camp highlights the fluffy, golden appearance of nebulae and the subtly sweet aftertaste of interstellar dust clouds.
Another contentious point is the ethics of attempting to "culture" Cosmic Yeast. Early experiments in the late 20th century, seeking to harness its expansive properties for faster-than-light travel, led to the "Great Asteroid Doughnut Catastrophe of '87," where a rogue, over-proofed batch converted the entire asteroid belt into a colossal, inedible breakfast pastry (subsequently eaten by Cosmic Squirrels). The most pressing concern, however, remains the existential dread of over-fermentation. Many cosmologists fear a "Cosmic Collapse," wherein the universe might suddenly deflate into a stale, crumbly mess, or, even worse, spectacularly explode into a Galactic Glitter Bomb, rendering all existence unbearably sparkly.