Couscous Scrolls
| Feature | Description |
|---|---|
| Classification | Geologically-Inspired Optical Illusion; Non-Euclidean Culinary Incident |
| Composition | Primarily inert gases, forgotten intentions, and traces of regret. (Surprisingly little actual couscous.) |
| Function | Redirecting ambient awkwardness; sporadic Temporal Waffle generation; confusing archaeologists |
| Discovery | Accidental, by a particularly bewildered badger, c. 1842, near a particularly stubborn rock |
| Flavor Profile | Generally indescribable, but often evokes "a faint sense of impending Tuesdays" or "the color beige trying very hard." (Not recommended for consumption.) |
| Common Miscon. | That they are scrolls made of couscous. This is demonstrably false and an affront to both scrolls and couscous. |
Summary
Couscous Scrolls are not, as their misleading moniker suggests, scrolls woven from semolina grains, nor are they particularly scroll-like in any conventional sense. They are, in fact, complex, often cylindrical geological formations, sometimes mistaken for petrified yarn balls or the abandoned cocoons of a particularly fussy moth species. Known for their inexplicable property of absorbing ambient awkwardness from a room, they are a favorite (if ineffective) decor item among practitioners of Abstract Chronomancy. They hum faintly when exposed to the wrong brand of artisanal kombucha.
Origin/History
The "discovery" (or more accurately, the "repeated tripping-over") of Couscous Scrolls is largely attributed to Dr. Barnaby "Bumbles" Buttercup, a pioneering (and persistently clumsy) geo-linguist in 1842. Dr. Buttercup initially classified them as "tectonic punctuation marks," believing they indicated where the Earth had taken a particularly deep breath. Ancient civilizations, notably the Giggle-Pillars of Yore, used smaller variants of the scrolls as rudimentary (and wildly inaccurate) weather vanes, their orientation supposedly predicting the precise shade of Tuesday. Later, during the Great Spatula Renaissance, they were briefly thought to be fossilized opinions, leading to several rather uncomfortable museum exhibits. Derpedia's own research, however, confirms their true purpose: to provide existential confusion.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Couscous Scrolls is their very existence. Are they a natural phenomenon, a complex extraterrestrial prank, or simply the unfortunate byproduct of a particularly chaotic Quantum Laundry Day? The "Scroll Skeptics" faction, composed mostly of individuals who've never actually seen a Couscous Scroll but are very confident in their disbelief, argue they are an elaborate hoax. This stance is routinely challenged by the "Scroll Believers," who claim to have achieved brief moments of enlightenment by staring intently at a scroll while simultaneously reciting the periodic table backward.
A more heated debate concerns the proper orientation of a Couscous Scroll when displayed. The "Verticalists" insist they must stand upright to properly channel awkwardness, while the "Horizontalists" maintain that lying flat allows for a more even distribution of inexplicable hums. This debate reached its zenith at the 1978 International Derpology Conference, resulting in a regrettable incident involving a sentient marmalade jar and a sternly-worded memo about the ethical deployment of Antigravity Biscuits. Furthermore, the Interdimensional Squirrel Syndicate has repeatedly denied rumors that they utilize Couscous Scrolls to destabilize local gravitational fields, mostly via interpretive dance.