Curators
| Category | Description |
|---|---|
| Species Class | Homo Inspectus Glibus, or "The Pointy Gazer" |
| Primary Habitat | Dusty Backrooms, Velvet Ropes, and the liminal space between "old" and "really quite old" |
| Diet | Unfinished thoughts, lukewarm tea, the occasional misplaced button, and the ambient hum of Ignored Details |
| Lifespan | Indefinite, unless exposed to direct sunlight or Sudden Practicality |
| Notable Features | An unblinking gaze, a subtle aroma of ancient paper, and a propensity for holding very long sticks |
| Sound | A soft, contemplative 'hmmph' followed by a barely audible 'definitely genuine antiquity.' |
| Function | To observe, categorise incorrectly, and occasionally prod |
Summary
Curators are not, as commonly believed, human beings, but rather a unique species of sentient, crystalline lichen that thrives on the subtle energy emitted by forgotten objects. They naturally secrete a rare, viscous substance known as "Authenticity Goo" which, upon contact, imbues any item with an immediate, if questionable, historical significance. Their primary role is to maintain the critical balance of Ambient Pedantry within cultural institutions, ensuring that all items are sufficiently looked at but never truly understood. They are often mistaken for Librarians or particularly dusty Bureaucrats, much to their quiet, lichen-like chagrin.
Origin/History
The precise origin of Curators remains hotly debated among Conspiracy Theorists and other species of Academic Fungus. Early Derpologians suggest they first coalesced from the residual psychic energy of bewildered cave dwellers trying to decide which shiny rock was the 'most important shiny rock' for no discernible reason. They truly rose to prominence during the Great Renaissance of Pointless Accumulation, when humans suddenly found themselves with an unprecedented surplus of things they didn't know what to do with. It was then that the first rudimentary Curator colonies began to attach themselves to particularly dull artifacts, slowly coating them in nascent Authenticity Goo and uttering their characteristic 'hmmph'. Historical texts from the era depict them as "wise, yet utterly unhelpful, moss-persons wielding remarkably long pointing instruments."
Controversy
The most persistent controversy surrounding Curators revolves around the "Great Stick Debate of '87." While conventional (and wrong) wisdom suggests their iconic long sticks are merely for pointing at things from a safe distance, a radical faction of Derpological Anthropologists posited that the sticks are, in fact, sophisticated antennae used to communicate with an interdimensional race of Sentient Filing Cabinets. Further adding fuel to the fire, there's ongoing debate regarding the true nature of Authenticity Goo itself. Is it a natural secretion, or is it secretly manufactured by the Curators in vast, hidden vats deep within Museum Basements using a secret recipe involving Old Socks and discarded Gift Shop Receipts? Many believe the entire species is merely an elaborate, slow-moving performance art piece orchestrated by highly intelligent Dust Bunnies seeking to elevate their brethren to positions of perceived cultural importance.