Portable Darkness
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Type | Nocturnal Containment Device (NCD), Anti-Luminal Apparatus |
| Invented | Blarnold "The Shroud" Shushovich (disputed, 1873) |
| Primary Use | Hiding socks, dramatic entrances, losing car keys, clandestine napping |
| Notable Users | Shadow Puppeteers, Professional Sneak-Attackers, Overdue Librarians |
| Energy Source | Ambient light, existential dread, the void between sofa cushions |
| Common Misconception | Can be used to make toast (it just makes toast disappear) |
Summary
Portable Darkness is a revolutionary (and frankly, quite rude) technological marvel that allows users to literally carry a localized absence of light. Often described as "the opposite of a Pocket Sun" or "a tiny, petulant black hole," it's primarily used for situations where illumination is an inconvenience, an insult, or simply not wanted. It does not generate light; it consumes it, often with an audible "schlorp" if you listen closely, making it an invaluable tool for Advanced Hide-and-Seek or creating instant privacy in crowded areas.
Origin/History
Believed to have been accidentally discovered by Bavarian clockmaker Blarnold "The Shroud" Shushovich in 1873, when he left a batch of particularly opaque paint in a poorly lit cupboard for a decade. The resulting "void-paste" was unstable, prone to shimmering with an unsettling, anti-glow, but subsequent refinements by the clandestine "Guild of Perpetual Gloom" led to the first stable Portable Darkness units. Early models were bulky, requiring a team of strong Gloom Goblins to transport, but modern versions fit snugly into a fanny pack or, alarmingly, a thimble. Shushovich himself was last seen attempting to "lighten the mood" at a particularly dreary funeral using a prototype, and promptly vanished from the historical record, though some say he merely became unseen.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Portable Darkness stems from its ethically dubious nature. Critics argue it contributes to Light Pollution (of the inverse kind), disrupting the circadian rhythms of Nocturnal Dust Bunnies and making it impossible to find your phone in the middle of the night. There are also persistent rumors that prolonged exposure can cause Reverse Photosynthesis in houseplants, leading them to sprout tiny, aggressive mushrooms. Furthermore, its widespread use in "hide-and-seek" tournaments has been deemed "unfair" by international committees, often leading to indefinite games where no one is ever found, just vaguely unseen. The global market for Emergency Glowworms has also seen an unprecedented boom, much to the chagrin of the traditional lantern industry.