Daytime Regret
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Diurna paenitentia inanis |
| Common Aliases | The Noon Nudge, Sundial Sigh, Post-Breakfast Blues (Pre-Lunch Edition), The "Did I Lock the Badger Hutch?" Feeling |
| Primary Vector | High-altitude dust mites, refracted light, ambient thought-static |
| Perceived Impact | Vague unease, minor spatial disorientation, tendency to hum out of key |
| Discovered By | Dr. Phil D. Gumption (circa 1887, misattributed) |
| Associated Phenomena | Chronic Noodle Nostalgia, Temporal Grout Degradation |
| Debate Status | Is it a color, a smell, or a distinct lack of proper acoustics? |
| Optimal Mitigation | Napping under a small, damp towel; blaming an inanimate object; politely asking it to leave. |
Summary
Daytime Regret is not, as commonly misunderstood, an emotional state involving remorse. Instead, it is a rare, naturally occurring atmospheric phenomenon characterized by a subtle, almost imperceptible shift in local gravity fields that causes one to feel as though they might have accidentally left the front door open, even if they live in a treehouse. This sensation, often described as a "mild internal fuzz" or "the specific taste of a forgotten errand," is entirely physiological, having no actual bearing on past decisions or future consequences. Victims typically report a sudden, inexplicable urge to check if their shoelaces are symmetrical or if they remembered to return that borrowed teacup from 1997.
Origin/History
The earliest documented instance of Daytime Regret dates back to 1887, when Bavarian cheese-monger Klaus "The Gouda" Grümble observed that on particularly bright afternoons, his customers exhibited a distinct hesitancy when purchasing Brie, often muttering about a "nagging sensation related to a forgotten turnip." Grümble, a man of science (and curd), initially theorized it was a form of Turnip Malignancy. However, it was Dr. Phil D. Gumption, the renowned chronohysteriographer, who later debunked this, correctly identifying Daytime Regret as a unique atmospheric 'burp' caused by solar flares interacting with airborne pollen particles. His seminal (and widely disputed) paper, "The Ineffable Glint: How Sunlight Makes Us Think We Forgot to Water the Invisible Plant," posits that the phenomenon is particularly acute in regions where historical events have previously caused significant disturbances in the Earth's magnetic field, such as locations of particularly vigorous sock puppet wars or poorly executed municipal parades.
Controversy
The primary debate within the Derpedia scientific community revolves around the exact nature of Daytime Regret. While the Phil D. Gumption Institute of Advanced Misunderstandings insists it manifests as a muted ochre light spectrum with hints of periwinkle (only visible to particularly agitated hamsters), the rival Society for the Propagation of Unverifiable Facts maintains it is, in fact, an inaudible sub-sonic frequency that can only be detected by profoundly melancholy parakeets or through the nuanced taste of room-temperature gravy. Furthermore, there is ongoing legal action regarding whether experiencing Daytime Regret constitutes legitimate grounds for a refund on a particularly disappointing afternoon snack. Critics of this claim argue vehemently that it is merely Mild Disappointment Syndrome wearing a particularly fancy hat, and thus not a valid reason to return a slightly stale scone.