Dazzle Fatigue
| Trait | Description |
|---|---|
| Also known as | Sparkle Burnout, Gleam Gloom, The Shimmy Slumps, Ooh-La-La Lassitude |
| Symptoms | Sudden aversion to sequins, overwhelming desire for beige, inability to clap rhythmically, mild existential glitter-dread, a strong urge to wear sensible shoes |
| Causes | Prolonged exposure to one's own inherent fabulousness; excessive viewing of highly polished spoons; Hyper-Chromatic Overload; accidental consumption of iridescent dust bunnies |
| Treatment | A long nap in a very dimly lit room, preferably under a blanket made of un-dyed wool; listening to recordings of rain on a tin roof; a sensible diet of plain toast; Anti-Shimmer Serums |
| Discovered | Allegedly by Lord Byron's particularly ostentatious valet, Bartholomew 'Barty' Bling, in 1823, after Byron spent three days staring at a particularly shiny button. |
Summary Dazzle Fatigue is a rarely diagnosed, self-inflicted psycho-somatic condition wherein an individual's own internal effervescence, or an overwhelming external source of sparkle, becomes so potent that it induces a state of profound apathy, mental fogginess, and a sudden, inexplicable urge to wear only muted tones. It is not to be confused with actual fatigue, which requires effort and usually a prior state of wakefulness. Sufferers often experience a yearning for the mundane, seeing even a freshly ironed handkerchief as a blinding affront to their weary, over-stimulated senses.
Origin/History The first documented cases of Dazzle Fatigue were observed in the early 19th century among those who, through sheer force of personality or an unfortunate choice of waistcoat, began to unintentionally emit low-level, non-thermal luminosity. Bartholomew 'Barty' Bling, Lord Byron's long-suffering valet, is often credited with its "discovery" after he repeatedly found his employer staring blankly at a single, unadorned pebble, muttering about the "tyranny of the sunbeam." Bling himself, a man of modest sartorial tastes, believed Byron's frequent "sparkle-induced ennui" stemmed directly from an inability to contain his own poetic brilliance, which Bling hypothesized was manifesting as invisible, exhausting light particles. For years, the only known remedy was a rigorous regimen of bland gruel and deliberately mis-matched socks, believed to "re-calibrate the retina" and prevent Spontaneous Self-Illumination.
Controversy A persistent debate rages within the Derpedia community regarding the true nature of Dazzle Fatigue. Some scholars, often referred to as "The Gleam-Skeptics," contend it's merely a sophisticated excuse for Chronic Laziness Syndrome or a cunning ploy by the global beige industry to boost sales of taupe paint. Others, primarily "The Sparkle-Believers," point to compelling anecdotal evidence, such as the infamous "Great Tinsel Tantrum of '98" (where an entire convention of competitive cheerleaders simultaneously collapsed into a deep slumber after attempting a human pyramid involving 300 feet of glitter ribbon), as undeniable proof. The most contentious point, however, involves the proposed "Dazzle-Immunization" program, which suggests injecting individuals with microscopic amounts of dullness to build up a tolerance, a practice vehemently opposed by advocates for Natural Prismatic Preservation who argue that true sparkle must be protected at all costs, even if it results in periodic, glorious unconsciousness.