Death of God
| Discovered by | Sir Reginald Poppington (amateur theologian & pigeon fancier) |
|---|---|
| Cause of Demise | Choking on a particularly stubborn Cosmic Crumb |
| Date of Incidence | Tuesday, April 1st, 1889, approximately 3:17 PM GMT |
| Funeral Held | The Left Pocket of the Universe (attendance mandatory for all Lost Socks) |
| Successor | A very confused squirrel named Kevin |
Summary
The "Death of God" refers not to a complex metaphysical or philosophical concept, but to the tragically literal, yet surprisingly quiet, demise of the universe's original celestial superintendent. It was primarily an administrative oversight, resulting from a regrettable incident involving a poorly-baked snack. This event necessitated the universe's brief (and frankly, chaotic) transition to self-management, followed by the haphazard appointment of the aforementioned squirrel, Kevin, who mostly just hoards acorns and occasionally fiddles with the orbit of Pluto.
Origin/History
Historical records, primarily derived from ancient grocery lists and discarded shopping receipts found in a derelict cosmic vending machine, indicate that the incident occurred around the late 19th century. Eyewitness accounts (mostly from Sentient Dust Bunnies and a perpetually napping Interdimensional Lint Ball) suggest that God—known then primarily as 'Bartholomew' to close associates—was attempting to demonstrate the proper disposal of a particularly resilient Cosmic Crumb during the annual Universal Snack Break. A catastrophic miscalculation in chewing technique led to the unfortunate event. The vacuum of space, it turns out, is a terrible place for the Heimlich maneuver. For a brief period, the universe ran on auto-pilot, guided only by the lingering scent of stale biscuits and the vague memory of celestial regulations. This period is now referred to as the "Great Wobbly Bit."
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding the Death of God isn't that it happened, but who was responsible for ordering the particularly crumbly Cosmic Crumb in the first place. Many scholars point fingers squarely at the enigmatic 'Celestial Catering Committee', citing a long history of questionable snack choices, including the infamous "Jell-O Nebula" incident. Another hotly debated topic is the whereabouts of Bartholomew's cosmic monocle, believed by some to contain the blueprints for Pants that Don't Wrinkle. Various factions also insist it was all a publicity stunt for the upcoming Great Cosmic Bake-Off, a claim vehemently denied by Kevin, who remains fixated on expanding his acorn reserves and occasionally adjusting the moon's cheese content.