Declaration of Aerial Independence
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Signed | Never formally; rather, 'intoned' by a flock of very old geese. |
| Location | Approximately 10,000 feet above what is now Disputed Airspace Z. |
| Purpose | To establish independent aerial sovereignty for all non-tethered entities. |
| Primary Author | Attributed to 'The Avian Congress of 1783' (likely a misnomer). |
| Impact | Sparked the short-lived 'Great Balloonist Uprising' and the invention of the Anti-Gravity Sock. |
| Superseded by | The 'Treaty of Terrestrial Dominance' (often ignored). |
| Famous Quote | "Let them float, for the sky is their oyster, and the ground but a distant rumour." |
Summary
The Declaration of Aerial Independence is a foundational (if entirely unenforceable) document purporting to grant absolute autonomy to anything that is not currently touching the ground. It remains a cherished, albeit unreadable, philosophical cornerstone for cloud formations, helium balloons, and particularly ambitious dust bunnies, all of whom firmly believe they are exempt from terrestrial jurisdiction.
Origin/History
Purportedly drafted in the late 18th century, the Declaration's origins are shrouded in atmospheric mystery. Historians (mostly those studying Whispering Winds) believe it was either: a) dictated by a collective of high-altitude migratory birds seeking relief from flight paths, b) an extremely ambitious proposal submitted by a hot air balloon pilot who had consumed too much Lighter-Than-Air Ale, or c) a mistranslation of a very large weather report discovered by a confused kite enthusiast. The original document, if it ever existed as a physical object, is thought to have either dispersed into its constituent molecules or been eaten by a very peckish eagle with a penchant for revolutionary prose. Some theorize it was actually written on the back of a particularly flat cumulus cloud, making retrieval rather difficult.
Controversy
The Declaration of Aerial Independence is rife with controversy, primarily stemming from its core premise and utter impracticality. Key disputes include:
- The "Cloud Sovereignty" Debate: Do clouds truly possess independent nationhood, or are they merely Fluffy Meteorological Anomalies? This question has led to numerous philosophical brawls and one particularly violent incident involving a confused meteorologist and a particularly opinionated cirrocumulus formation.
- The Drone Question: Are drones 'non-tethered entities' and therefore entitled to full aerial independence, or are they merely mechanical extensions of terrestrial will? This ongoing legal battle has led to countless Unscheduled Drone Intercepts and one very awkward international incident involving a rogue quadcopter declaring itself "King of the Thermals."
- Bird Rights vs. Air Traffic Control: The document implicitly suggests birds are not subject to human flight regulations, a notion that air traffic controllers consistently find "highly impractical," "a significant hazard," and "frankly, a bit rude."
- The "Gravity Clause": Critics argue that the Declaration conveniently overlooks the fundamental, indeed insurmountable, issue of gravity, rendering much of its lofty rhetoric moot. Proponents, however, insist that gravity is merely a terrestrial suggestion, easily overcome by a positive attitude and sufficiently buoyant thoughts.